Eek, I don't have any information regarding divorce lawyers, but I want you to know that you and your family are in my prayers.

Thanks Christibdce I really need all the prayers I can get right now. I do not know how I am going to handle all of this and handle being a single Mom to three handicapp children and a parent to my handicapp brother. I cannot exactly go and get a job to support them there is nobody who is capable of watching them, so I am screwed!! I just hope that my soon to be X husband is happy with the choices he made and can actually live with himself, because he really did a number on me and his kid's.

E, what an emotional roller coaster ride, and if it is at all possible, try and be good to yourself because it is way too easy to put yourself last in the equation.

You are doing the right thing, getting the ball rolling immediately; please keep us posted on your progress and I wish you the best.  Am sure others will have better advice than I, but wanted to give you the support you will need.

Eek, I'm sorry to hear your husband had an affair...that sucks.   Is he still having an affair, is he in love with the other woman?   Is there anyway to forgive and continue your relationship with him?   I know you must be hurting and you probably want to kill the SOB, but have you thought it all out?   Is your husband a good man for the most part?   Can you wait a while till after the pain and anger fades a bit to take action?  Don't be scared, America has a thing called welfare so you and your children will not be without food and shelter, no matter what happens.  I don't know your situation but if your children are his too and if you do decide to get a divorce your husband will indeed have to pay support for you and the kids. 

I'm not the type of person to say stay with your husband if he treats you like crap.... I think you know that about me.  However, you two have been married a long time and people make mistakes...sometimes very stupid and hurtful ones.  How does your husband feel about what he did?   Does he want out of your marriage?  If not, look at the very public affair Bill Clinton had, he had an affair and yet today he is doing everything he can to help his wife, he has been fighting for her and along side her for years now and I believe he will continue to do so...they are a very close and loving family today.  It can happen sometimes.

If you don't see your marriage working out in the future...than seek support from friends and family and yes, a good lawyer.  This is probably the most painful thing that can happen to a woman next to losing ones child.    Good luck to you Eek

I do hope you have taken his name off all the bank accounts/charge cards to prevent him from draining the accounts until the issue can be resolved--whether divorce or reconciliation.  Having a marriage with 3 special needs kids can be difficult--but being a single mom can be much more difficult. I'm with Sparks--if you can get past the anger, see if the marriage can be saved.

I hope the best for you and your family...

My heart really goes out to you eek. When I was 13 my father did the same thing, up wanting his cake and eating it to, and like you, my mum had to struggle and fight to make sure we, the children, had what we needed. I'm not sure how long you've been married, my mum had been married 23 years before his affairs were discovered.  I remember like it was yesterday the pain and the hurt that she had to battle. It;s definately an uphill battle, many tears and sleepless nights, but when it is all said and done, you will be shocked at the strength within yourself. You may be in a place right now where you don;t know what step to take next, but know that you have the strength within yourself to face this situation head on. Do what is best for you in the long run, really think about what is best for you, and follow the path that will bring peace to your heart. Only you know what is best for you.

Thanks for the wonderful words of advice Sparks,awsmom, and donmar.. I am the kind of person that will not tolerate a spouse cheating on their partner. To me it is disrespectful to me, our marriage, our children, and to God. If he truely and honestly loved me then he would of not turned to another woman. I offered counseling for other issues that we had ( mostly agreeing on how to punish our children) but it never worked out.  I am hurting really bad right now and there are alot thoughts going through my mind and I am questioning alot of things but I do feel in my heart that I did nothing to deserve this and I have to remain strong for my children because I am basically all they are going to have. I have some good friends and some family here for support. 

Oh and yes awsmom I took my name off of our joint account and drew every last penny that was in the account so there is nothing there left for him to use either on himself or his "girlfriend" and her 5 kid's atleast until he gets paid again. And when he does get paid again I am going to ask him for money to pay the mortgage for this month, 1/2 of the car insurance ( he has one of the cars) and for whatever else needs to be paid. So once again he wont have any money... 

Eek - I am really sorry you are going through this. I can understand your hurt and your anger. Like Sparks, I would never encourage someone to stay in a bad relationship, but if this was a one time offense... a momentary lapse in judgement.... is it possible to forgive him?  True, you did nothing to deserve this... BUT, if he is remorseful, perhaps there is a chance to restore the relationship. Can you seek the counsel of your pastor, either separately or together, before you make any permanent decisions?

I know a very good counselor in Tehachapi. He was very helpful to me. I will try to email his info to you. Based on my recent  and ongoing experience I can relate somewhat.

Eek, I am sorry for what you are going through. I've been there, but didn't react the way you did, but everyone has to follow their own path. My husband cheated on me many many years ago. It was simply sex, a release. He did not love her. We had other issues and it was a tough time. I was not willing to throw away the years we'd already been together, and now we have 28 years together. To me there are worse things he could have done...getting laid wasn't one of them. It took a little time, but he did earn back my trust.

Congrats on your success with your husband, I just do not think I have it in me to work through this, I honestly do not think he wants to work through it either. I asked him if he loved her and he stated that he has "feelings" for her. Then when he left this house he went straight to her house so I highly doubt that it was just "sex".  I am still extremly confused about all of this and I am trying to put things together in my mind which right now I do not think I can add 2 plus 2 and get it right. 

But Thankyou Joty for understanding and your kind words I appreciate it... 

IMHO, sometimes it seems as though getting a divorce is worse than someone dying, both are life-changing events, and since you have children together, there are so many more issues to deal with, all the while you have so many emotions:  Anger, hurt, betrayal, failure . . . you'd think I went through a divorce; and yes I did, over 33 years ago and another lifetime; that was then, this is now, and believe me:  Now is wonderful.  At this point in your life, there may seem that there is no light at the end of this tunnel, and yes, it is difficult to put 2 +2 and get the correct answer sometimes, but you will; just don't give up on you.  I do not know you, personally, but we are all in this thing called life together, so if it helps in some small way to visit this thread, by all means, we are here for you.

FAITH MAKES THINGS POSSIBLE, NOT EASY.

M.

PeacefulMan..  I recently watched a movie about Oscar Wilde... who was wealthy and loved his wife very much.  After getting out of jail for being a sodomite, he was willing to stop seeing the man he loved by the request of his wife.   Sadly, his wife died before he got out of jail and he was forbidden to see his children.  However, he did love her even if in a different way than he did his lover.  He had a deep bond with his wife, because she stood by him, gave him children and loved him unconditionally.  He truly would have stopped seeing his lover for her. He eventually did go back to his lover since his wife died and his family was taken from him. 

His very young and promiscuous lover dumped him after 3 months and Oscar lived alone in a hotel room until his death at 46. People we love don't always love us back, but I agree, people can certainly love more than one person at a time.

I appreciate everyone being so careing and concerned about me and my kid's trying to get through this really rough spot. I have talked to several friends in the last few days that have given some good advice but there was one friend that I knew that was wise and very spiritual. I spoke with him and he gave me some really good references to look into and he his sending me some dvd's to view. 

Because of this friends wisdom and wise words I decided to speak to my husband and ask him to give our marriage a fighting chance. I explained that I think that we need to give it our best shot for the sake of our kid's and for the sake of our marriage. I wanted him to take the correct path this time and do what is right and I feel by giving our marriage a chance is the correct path. He also spoke with this friend for over an hour and with what I said and what our friend said we decided to alteast try because we still love eachother very much and we really want to make our marriage work.

We both realize in order to make our marriage work and last that there has to be alot of changes and alot more communication between both of us. We are also going to have to have some serious counceling by a proffessional and I also feel by a trusted minister.  It is going to be a long walk on a long path but we both feel it is worth the fight. 

Neither one of us has attended church in several years for several reasons and we would like to find a good trusted pastor that provides marriage counceling does anyone have any reccomendations? We would like this minister to be local and a specific religion does not matter much to us we both are neutral.