Eek, the name of the counselor I sent you is the one you're looking for. He is retired but continues as a not for profit organization. I'm glad you and your husband will make an effort to make the marriage work.

Thanks Job I do have the info you sent me and I am going to look into it today the sooner the better I feel. I would just like to have a few names/options so if for some reason one doesn't work out we can try another until we find one we are both content with. And I appreciate all you have done for me Job the info you sent was excellent and helpful in making a very hard decision. 

eek I hope that this works for you. Men are pigs.....sometimes we do selfish things not realizing the pain we may inflick on others. The only things I know about your situation is what you have posted. I do think for all involved trying to work through this is for the best. I do know that men and women see things differently. With me it wasn't another women it was alcohol. I don't drink any more but when I did it caused a lot of problems between me and my old lady. I was a self centered jerk, It was all about me and my beer and why don't you just leave me alone because I'm not hurting anyone with my drinking.....That's how I felt but the truth is I was hurting my old lady deeply.  Seeing the pain and hurt in her eyes and occasionally hearing her sob was one of the big reasons that I sought help. You see all during that time she was taking my drinking personally like I was drinking to avoid her or because I didn't love her. Even though it came across that way it wasn't so. I had a big problem with booze and I couldn't stop drinking......Anyway eek what I'm trying to say is try not to take this so personal and try to forgive him because as soon as you can do that then it will be much easier to live inside your own skin......................But if he does it again hang him by his testicles.

Best wishes....gube

LOL Gube hang him by the balls!!! Thanks for the advice and understanding...I really want to give it my best shot and he is willing to do so also. I am a good person inside and I am very forgiving towards others and I am willing to forgive him this time but IF he ever does it again that will be a totally different story all together!! He will be hung by his balls!!! 

Eek-I've been there too and you have my sympathies.For a while,just breathing seemed hard to do,going through the day seemed overwhelming.It gets easier after a while.I really think that trying to identify and work through the issues with your husband is the right choice.Sometimes a marriage ends up stronger afterwards because it forces people to confront underlying issues and deal with them.I have seen that on more than one occassion.There is hope for a much brighter future.

I'm not saying that this is the case with you,but often as wives and moms,we get  caught up with our homes/kids and don't realize that our husbands(just like us) have needs of their own that aren't being met.Sometimes they try to fill those needs out of the home.It dosen't mean they don't love their spouses.It often just means that they can't identify or don't feel welcome to express what they need well enough to communicate that to their wife.

Sometimes the toughest part of forgiveness is not holding it over their heads forever and not becoming ultra unpleasantly jealous and suspicious from then on.Maybe it's just me,but that was a struggle for years.I'm past that,but not in a good way I suppose.Good luck,these things take time.

I too am glad you are giving counseling a whirl.  It is easier to walk away than to try to make a marriage work.  And if for some reason counseling doesn't work, you both gave it a try and know in your heart you gave it your best and not wonder years later if you should have tried again.

Yes we are going to give counceling a whirl, A huge whirl!!! It is going to take alot of work to save this marriage but we are both willing to give it our best shot. Job has given me some sources to look into and I am looking into them today. I have alot of issues that I need ressolved such as trusting him again and how much hatred I have towards this woman, which I do not like having feelings of hate towards anyone, but in this situation I do not know if I can forgive her. This woman has 5 children and none of her children have their father and this is not the first time she has broken a marriage up. I will pray for her in hopes that she can get her "act" together for her sake and the sake of her kid's so no other marriage suffers and no more innocent children will suffer. 

eek good to hear your giving your marriage a second chance.......Having resentments towards another person is like letting that person live rent free in your head. Resentments suck........We all get them but my experience is the faster I can get rid of that resentment the happier I'll be......Clean up your side of the street and things will get better. I do wish you the best in life...I don't know you but from your post and the fact that you are raising 3 spacial needs children speaks volumes........... 

Yes Gube I am trying really hard to clean my side of the street but it is such a mess it is going to take some time to get it done... I cannot worry about the other side of the street it is not my responsability nor my Husband's to get that mess cleaned up and I wish that person all the luck in the world getting that mess clean.

I really need to work on myself right now, I am not eating ( I have lost 13 lbs) and I don't sleep well right now, there is just so much going on in my head and my nerves are all shot to heck. 

And honestly Gube I would love to meet you and some others from here in person, alot of really good people on here and I can see myself being good friends with. 

eek, you're the same way I am; when we get upset, our stomachs shut down. I'd suggest seeing your doctor, and get some meds to get you through this. For me, I just needed a prescription for a couple of weeks so I could sleep & be calm enough to get some food down. don't let yourself get run down by this.

Good luck on your relationship. I hope it all works out in the end, but in the meantime don't be afraid to get help. It takes time!

eek, I too understand how you are feeling. After I left the relationship I didn't eat well, I was having diarrhea, lost 15 pounds and I couldn't sleep. I even took a 4 week vacation out of California. I went to my doctor and he gave me some meds for a few months. I also went to mental health counseling at the VA. You do need friends to help you get through this. I'm glad I still had my friends here when I moved back.

Yes Job I am planning on going to the doctor this week, probally Friday. I need something to settle my nerves and worries. If I could just stop the worrying about where he is and what he is doing and if she is finding him on his route? I wish I could attach a camera to him, lol.... I just want to have a little peace, just a little.....  

I have heard in situations like this that the husband was required by the counselor to call-in to the wife every hour when he was not at home. I don't know how long this went on.

Also, worrying is a substitute for prayer. (I know that's easy to say and hard to do.)

Job that's sounds a little extreme if you ask me.......He can call from anywhere.....Brand him with a GPS chip ...lol

eek a meet and greet would be fun......I went to one in Bako a couple of months ago for the Bakersfield Californian blogs and it was fun. Even though we all have are strong opinions on the blogs we all got along fine and it was cool to meet and put a face to other bloggers. I would go to would you?

That's good idea Gube. My Cabela's catalog has GPS collars for dogs. I guess eek could get one of those and lock it around her hubby's neck. Darn, it's only good up to 5 miles.

http://www.cabelas.com/cabe...