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Dear Diary
Dear Diary, Well I logged onto the T News website and the 1st article that caught my eye was "Donkey Needed for Christmas Program". I didn't even take the time to read the article...why you ask? Because I felt this overwhelming guilt. The guilt came from my interpretation of the article's title. My interpretation was "Jackass Needed For Christmas Program". Now I can think of sooooooooo many Jackass' that have actually starred in the ever comical movie that I like to call my life, but I don't think they would be appropriate to star in the Christmas program. After all, there is nothing Christian about these Jackass' (we can say jackass right? It is an animal after all). Speaking of Jackass', let me tell you about my not so spiritual experience that happened this weekend over a parking space and a Jackass. This is technically not road rage, it is parking lot rage. Now I like to think that I have made some serious and positive changes in my life. I approach people in a loving and caring manner and I try not to let my mouth override my brain. I am trying to do something different and running my mouth is one of the character defects that I am trying to get a handle on...Anyway, My boyfriend and I were going to see a movie this weekend at Fashion Valley Mall. Now Fashion Valley Mall is no Valley Plaza (Bakersfield). FVM has the most high dollar, designer name stores. People like me shop at say....Park Way Plaza (El Cajon's version of Valley Plaza) or the $5 store, which simply means everything in the store is $5 or less!!! Ok so this woman (aka jackass), was in front of us in her brand new BMW with her BFF I am sure, how do I describe them you say??? Well "high maintenance" is an understatement. They jammed on their brakes right in front of us blocking our way in order to secure their parking space right in front. Ok so now we are stuck. This JA sticks her head (bleach blonde, collagen lipped, "i just got a facial and a makeover" head) out the window and yells, dont bother honking I am not moving... while her BFF steps out of the car and yells you are going to have to back up or go around...Well DUH! Now mind you, there were 3 cars behind us and very little room to "go around". So I am in the front seat madder then mad and I roll down my window and yell back (as my boyfriend says Jewels...dont do it), "there are 5 cars back here that need to get around you, can you at least move over a little bit so we can get by?" JA #1 (driver) yells back "GET OFF YOUR HIGH HORSE"... Who me? the lowest maintenance ghetto fabulous chick you could ever meet, get off my high horse? q#@e%#$^%#$%&^# I will show you high horse, you dont want my 6 foot tall, 200 pound, unspiritual a$$ to get out of this car right now, obviously they don't freekin know who I am... I look over at my BF with a look of shock and bewilderment and i am like "are they kidding me?". He says let it go...let it go my a$$. So he manages to maneuver around their cute little beamer and it just happens to be at the exact moment that the car they were waiting for finally made it out of the parking space JA #1 and JA #2 are waiting for... I looked at him and said pull in there... He says no, I am yelling pull in that F@#$in parking space. He's like Jewels that's not cool...Not cool? WTF is he talking about? As we pass them they are SCREAMING, dont you dare take that space, you are sooooooo rude, i cant believe you are going to take that space...things of this nature. By this time I am completely turned around in my seat, both middle fingers up in the air screaming obscenitites and yelling threats of physical violence...Now I can honestly tell you, since i have been sober I have NEVER been so mad. I dont approach people or react to people in this manner. Honestly my BF or anyone else that knows me...the me i am now, has ever had the pleasure of seeing me in this state of mind. I tell you what, it brought me back to a place that I don't ever want to go. So...we drove around for another 10 minutes to find a parking space, finally found one. By the time we got close to the entrance it was a good 12-15 minutes. This whole time I am FURIOUS!!! Mumbling under my breath, the works. So what do I see? JA#1 AND #2, at the trunk of the beamer trying to prepare to enter the mall. I swear I saw a mini salon pop out of that trunk... and this was 15 minutes later. 15 minutes and they are still at the car!!!! Now my BF is 6 foot 5, 300 lbs. I am 6 foot tall 200 lbs. Not your average couple, we are like one of the 7 wonders of the world when we walk in a room. Threatening to say the least. But he is the sweetest guy ever, stuck with (at this point) an irrational, raging, volital, demon possessed ol' lady with an ax to grind. I smile at him...and he knows at this point there is no turning back. I calmly walk up to the "girls", because in my mind I know that I can NOT do anything that will jeapordize all I have worked for.. I politely say "Oh I am sooooo glad we didn't take your parking space, because we could have...and if I had my way we would have, I wouldn't want you to get lost on your way back to the car." Oh and by the way, (as i grab the door handle of the BMW) this is the device you use to find your way out of the car Sweetie! It seems it took you a while to figure that out." And I walked away. Quite pleased with myself and my quick wit. On my high horse so to speak. But somewhere in the bowels of my mind I know that I owe these "girls" an ammends, when I am wrong promptly admit it blah blah blah. So diary, I have come to the conclusion that my tolerance level, with all that is going on in my life right now, is at its lowest...Until next time...Jewels 23 comments from 11 users
posted by
olivia
on Nov 17, 2007 at 11:18 AM
posted by LoriMorales on Nov 17, 2007 at 08:13 AM
Jewels, Olivia ..... think about that for a moment. Huh???? I don't get it. What did I say??? : { posted by
madkow2747
on Nov 17, 2007 at 10:02 AM
I'm the same way Awsmom- I don't mind parking way out and walking. The only time that I was less likely to do that was when I was mega-preggo and it hurt to walk. That was when it was really nice to see the "Family Parking" or "Expectant Mother Parking" signs that are close to entrances. I really like when stores/malls have those.I worked at a mall in Monterey where the employees would be towed if we parked in the parking lot. We had to park several miles away and take a bus in. That did piss me off, but what can you do? posted by
LoriMorales
on Nov 17, 2007 at 08:13 AM
Calm folks ..... calm. Frequently, I have to take deep breaths ..... in thru the nose, slowly out thru the mouth. Like I said, my years of screaming are pretty much over. Old age has some advantages. At some point you realize your sense of peace is not worth flipping off some crazy person. So you don't think I'm completely dead, once, it was xmas time and parking lots at some So. Cal. mall was completely overloaded. I'm driving looking for anything available and I see this woman standing in an empty space. Honest, she's just standing there. I wave and ask "wha'cha doing?" "I'm saving this space," she tells me. "How much longer you think you're gonna be?" I ask. "I don't know, my husband went for gas." I say, "Really? You're standing here while he's off getting gas? I don't think you're suppose to do that. Aren't you a little embarrassed?" Poor thing just goes off. All red faced and yelling, "I'm gonna stand here as long as I feel like it and I hope it's a long time because I want to make you mad." "Consider yourself a success," I scream back. I'm driving my husband's giant truck and I just inch that baby slowly into the space ..... slowly, slowly, slowly. Her head is at hood level and that big engine is just a-purring away. I put it in park and gun the engine 15 or 20 times. She moved but I thought she was gonna have a heart attack. Thinking back, I'm sure she was having a really bad day. First she has a husband who makes her stand in a parking space while he gets gas. Jewels, Olivia ..... think about that for a moment. Second, she's the kind of woman who will stand in a parking space while her husband goes to get gas. How humiliating. I'm sorry now my truck threatened her. posted by
Joty
on Nov 16, 2007 at 01:33 PM
It's even more fun to turn off the engine and act like you can't get it started, then just before the red light, go for it. Again, my hubby says I'm going to be the victim of a road rager... posted by
jewels
on Nov 16, 2007 at 10:49 AM
I just wanted to comment because my spam protector says LOVAH...
posted by
bigdog
on Nov 16, 2007 at 09:19 AM
Joty that is exactly what happened, the light turned just turned green and the car behind me started honking. In fact i was the third car in line and the car in front of me only had maybe two car length head start. Thanks for telling me about holding the honker till the light turns yellow, that sounds like fun. I'll do that next time.
posted by
Joty
on Nov 16, 2007 at 08:56 AM
Doncha love the ones who the second the light turns green starts honking. That's when I sit until the light turns yellow then creep on through. My husband says I'm gonna get shot one of these days...I guess I should keep that thought in mind, huh? You just never know... Tis the season to stay the hell off the roads and out of mall parking lots!!! posted by
bigdog
on Nov 16, 2007 at 07:01 AM
That's not what happened , Olivia delusional :)
posted by
olivia
on Nov 16, 2007 at 04:53 AM
This is what happened yesterday when my husband was taking me to work. A truck pulled out in front of him, oblivious we were behind him. My husband honked his horn, gave him the finger. The guy pulled over and as we passed, yelled something to my husband. Then we were at a stoplight, and we were talking, oblivious that the light had turned green. The guy behind us honked and my loving husband got all bent out of shape and oh so carefully went through the green light, slowly turning left and proceeded to drive exactly the speed limit all the way to work, he even used his blinker while he slowly turned right. I told him you're being an a hole.
posted by
GregL
on Nov 15, 2007 at 08:12 PM
Hey Jewels, funny stuff! Some nice comic relief for what seems like a Friday (still at work!) I don't think you were out of line at all. It's amazing how self centered some people can be!
posted by
DonMar
on Nov 15, 2007 at 05:09 PM
'Tis the season, ladies, parking lots and such. Just this morning, three separate cars turned left in front of me and I am sure the drivers did NOT have a clue what just took place; same day, I was slowly backing out of a lovely parking space (rightfully mine, I can assure you) and someone, like your JA #1, pulled up right behind me and honked her horn, like I was in her way, arghhhhhh. Thanksgiving is one week from now and everybody and their brother or sister will be on the road, completely oblivious to their surroundings (I am one of them, from time to time). Way back when, if some nitwit did something wrong (according to my standards, ahem), I would freely say (but not shout out) a**hole or some other endearing term, but never used "the finger" (in my moment of passion, forgetting I had my window down), thinking I was in my own little safety car capsule. However, one day, "it" caught up with me and I have not uttered a peep or a**hole (to their face, anyway) EVER again!! Another scenario, MANY years ago (when I used to freely honk my horn) , although in this case, it was MOST DEFINITELY JUSTIFIED (car totally encroaching in to my lane) . . . well AH#1 swerved, so as not to hit me, however, instead pulled right n front of me and proceeded to back up, then slammed on his/her brakes (all this taking place on a very busy street). Needless to say, it scared the you know what out of me and I have not used the horn ever again (well maybe a few times). Lock your doors, stay at home, and for Heaven's sake, don't get in your car (ha-ha) ! ! ! This is better than taxi cab confessions. M.
posted by
LoriMorales
on Nov 15, 2007 at 02:40 PM
Jewels, I'm thinking you showed great self constraint. My patience level has improved over the years but I have never had any problem with being straight forward (aka confrontational). I've had many, many, many honest conversations with individuals who really should not have taken me on. My family will tell the stories of my run-ins at dinner parties. The are growing in legend. TeeHee People - what'cha gonna do? posted by
teresr
on Nov 15, 2007 at 02:09 PM
Good for you Jewels. ;-))) Now that is healthy, and normal. LOL!
posted by
jewels
on Nov 15, 2007 at 02:04 PM
THE reality of the situation is i dont feel bad or guilty, and i wish i would have kicked their a$$ and taken their space. I was just making the statement that i probably do owe them an apology but they ain't gettin it :)
posted by
teresr
on Nov 15, 2007 at 02:00 PM
Jewels...good to hear from you. Sorry you had to blunder across JA#1 and 2 you have enough on your plate. You handled it fine. Like bigdog said you didn't kick butt and you didn't drink. Don't let these two 'barbies' cause you any more guilt pangs. You are already forgiven and you are a work in progress like all the rest of us. Now think of more pleasant things and enjoy the day. I hope all else is getting better for you just keep hanging in there. We miss your posts and you. You brighten our days. |
