Dear Diary,

Well I logged onto the T News website and the 1st article that caught my eye was "Donkey Needed for Christmas Program".  I didn't even take the time to read the article...why you ask?  Because I felt this overwhelming guilt.  The guilt came from my interpretation of the article's title.  My interpretation was "Jackass Needed For Christmas Program".  Now I can think of sooooooooo many Jackass' that have actually starred in the ever comical movie that I like to call my life, but I don't think they would be appropriate to star in the Christmas program.  After all, there is nothing Christian about these Jackass' (we can say jackass right?  It is an animal after all). 

Speaking of Jackass', let me tell you about my not so spiritual experience that happened this weekend over a parking space and a Jackass.  This is technically not road rage, it is parking lot rage.  Now I like to think that I have made some serious and positive changes in my life.  I approach people in a loving and caring manner and I try not to let my mouth override my brain.  I am trying to do something different and running my mouth is one of the character defects that I am trying to get a handle on...Anyway, My boyfriend and I were going to see a movie this weekend at Fashion Valley Mall.  Now Fashion Valley Mall is no Valley Plaza (Bakersfield).  FVM has the most high dollar, designer name stores.  People like me shop at say....Park Way Plaza (El Cajon's version of Valley Plaza) or the $5 store, which simply means everything in the store is $5 or less!!! Ok so this woman (aka jackass), was in front of us in her brand new BMW with her BFF I am sure, how do I describe them you say??? Well "high maintenance" is an understatement.  They jammed on their brakes right in front of us blocking our way in order to secure their parking space right in front.  Ok so now we are stuck.  This JA sticks her head (bleach blonde, collagen lipped, "i just got a facial and a makeover" head) out the window and yells, dont bother honking I am not moving... while her BFF steps out of the car and yells you are going to have to back up or go around...Well DUH!  Now mind you, there were 3 cars behind us and very little room to "go around".  So I am in the front seat madder then mad and I roll down my window and yell back (as my boyfriend says Jewels...dont do it), "there are 5 cars back here that need to get around you, can you at least move over a little bit so we can get by?"  JA #1 (driver) yells back "GET OFF YOUR HIGH HORSE"... Who me? the lowest maintenance ghetto fabulous chick you could ever meet, get off my high horse?  q#@e%#$^%#$%&^# I will show you high horse, you dont want my 6 foot tall, 200 pound, unspiritual a$$ to get out of this car right now, obviously they don't freekin know who I am... I look over at my BF with a look of shock and bewilderment and i am like "are they kidding me?".  He says let it go...let it go my a$$.  So he manages to maneuver around their cute little beamer and it just happens to be at the exact moment that the car they were waiting for finally made it out of the parking space JA #1 and JA #2 are waiting for... I looked at him and said pull in there... He says no, I am yelling pull in that F@#$in parking space.  He's like Jewels that's not cool...Not cool? WTF is he talking about?  As we pass them they are SCREAMING, dont you dare take that space, you are sooooooo rude, i cant believe you are going to take that space...things of this nature. 

By this time I am completely turned around in my seat, both middle fingers up in the air screaming obscenitites and yelling threats of physical violence...Now I can honestly tell you, since i have been sober I have NEVER been so mad.  I dont approach people or react to people in this manner.  Honestly my BF or anyone else that knows me...the me i am now, has ever had the pleasure of seeing me in this state of mind.  I tell you what, it brought me back to a place that I don't ever want to go. 

So...we drove around for another 10 minutes to find a parking space, finally found one.  By the time we got close to the entrance it was a good 12-15 minutes.  This whole time I am FURIOUS!!! Mumbling under my breath, the works.  So what do I see?  JA#1 AND #2, at the trunk of the beamer trying to prepare to enter the mall.  I swear I saw a mini salon pop out of that trunk... and this was 15 minutes later. 15 minutes and they are still at the car!!!!  Now my BF is 6 foot 5, 300 lbs.  I am 6 foot tall 200 lbs.  Not your average couple, we are like one of the 7 wonders of the world when we walk in a room.  Threatening to say the least.  But he is the sweetest guy ever, stuck with (at this point) an irrational, raging, volital, demon possessed ol' lady with an ax to grind.  I smile at him...and he knows at this point there is no turning back.  I calmly walk up to the "girls", because in my mind I know that I can NOT do anything that will jeapordize all I have worked for..

I politely say "Oh I am sooooo glad we didn't take your parking space, because we could have...and if I had my way we would have, I wouldn't want you to get lost on your way back to the car." Oh and by the way, (as i grab the door handle of the BMW) this is the device you use to find your way out of the car Sweetie! It seems it took you a while to figure that out." And I walked away.  Quite pleased with myself and my quick wit.  On my high horse so to speak.  But somewhere in the bowels of my mind I know that I owe these "girls" an ammends, when I am wrong promptly admit it blah blah blah. 

So diary, I have come to the conclusion that my tolerance level, with all that is going on in my life right now, is at its lowest...Until next time...Jewels