This site went crazy.  I just love that.  My problem is not the mom who ran into Albertsons with her hair pulled back into a pony tail because she was in a hurry.  My problem is not the kid who is obviously having a bad day and behaving bratty.  That stuff just happens to all of us now and again. 

I  dislike standing in a line and the kids have purposely put themselves together to look awful.  Tatoos, piercings, what appears to be dirty clothes/hair/feet and talking trash.  I always think of my really nice grandmother and she wouldn't say a word but, I know, she would be so very embarrassed if she was in line with me.  These kids are just rude.  But - I know rude adults too.

I can understand and empathize with what some of you ladies are talking about being "presentable". As a man (and I hope "gentleman") I have the same or similar expectations. Even if I am only going to Albertson's to buy a couple of items, I look in the mirror and see someone who is in disheveled clothes and needs a shave. So, I take a quick shave (maybe even a shower) and change of clothes, and venture forth. Nobody in the world knows the difference.....BUT I DO! That's a large part of what the kids (and many parents) lack today...it's called SELF ESTEEM!

Jim Richards

Jewels~

I have a confession, that is my favorite thing to wear and sleep in, mens pajama pants and a t-shirt as long as I am just working around the house or the barn. By the time I finish all my barn work, I have to take a shower and change to go anywhere anyway. Too Funny! LOL!

Lighten up Canibeyou, nothing wrong with looking decent, but usually  when someone looks too good to be true, they are.  What is in one's heart is more important than what is on the outside.

Haven't you ever met anyone like that, that just looked so perfect, that you instantly know something is dreadfully wrong? I have seen  people who have spent so much time and effort on their clothes,makeup, and plastic surgery, that they now look "plastic"  Their perfect car, their perfectly good looking husband, the perfect kids, their perfect house, with the little perfect white picket fence, their perfect career, etc. Later we find out they are serial killers, and their kids are strung out on drugs, etc., and that it wasn't all that it appeared to be at all.

Where does one find the time to be so perfect?  I only have enough time to be perfectly imperfect, and what you see is what you get.

Thanks GregL and Sparks for the words of encouragement I am such a worry wart sometimes even my mom is saying just let her be and relax, but all I can see is that same kid coming home and going into her room to vegetate from the world of responsibility. She doesn't drive and I think thats the clincher right there I can't tote her around all over town and we live out by the prison so there is no bus that comes that way. So basically I have told her if she plans to come home she will HAVE to learn to drive no excuses period....heck I even told I would give her my old car let's hope that's an incentive to get over whatever reason she has not to want to drive..

Sparks its funny you mention the love of a father. I remember the day my dad walked out the door never to return I was 7yrs old, I guess being a dad and having responsibilities was just to much for him to handle. I never heard from or saw him from that day I don't know if he is dead or alive; to me he died that day. I never thought about him much growing up and I don't blame any of my problems on his leaving. I had my rough spots in my youth, I experimented with drugs but luckily never got hooked I blame that on just being young and because of a generational gap not talking about it with my mom back then it wasn't common to talk about drugs with parents. I guess I knew where I screwed up when I was young and I passed on the knowledge to my kids by being open to talk with them. I realize now that I had the love of my mother and my step-father who came into my life when I was about 11 and they provided the stability I needed to get through being a teenager/young adult. I can only hope my husband and I have given our kids this stability to make it through the rough spots too.

To add to this since I just go to page 2 of the comments

     1. I never said Fashion model I said respectable which to means clean and not looking like a slob. We have all seen the lady with the rollers in her hair now come on please.

     2. I agree that kids need times to vent and parents are in control when they ignore it sometimes. Its those parents who let their kids run all over the store screaming and acting like brats that I can't stand. I would remove my child from the store and deal with it outside. Kids know you mean business when you simply remove them,  look them square in the eye and tell them no, and other times it takes a swat on the backside to make your point.

Oh my goodness, I am afraid I am both guilty of running into town a bit disheveled, because I'd rather get my kid to school on time than look like a fashion model. I have to wear suits most of the time, so frankly, I don't dress up to go shopping or in town just to be seen by someone on the weekends or days off.

AAAH! I have my son that recently  threw a tantrum in the market?  Am I doomed?  I did give him a good tongue lashing when we got to the car, but sometimes a 5 year old can make you want to  shrink back in embarrassment in a public place, and they know it too. Anyone who has kids has probably experienced this at one point or another.  I do spank him on the butt when it is well deserved, but I also find that taking away things he really likes work well too.

I despise the baggy gang banger look, and the teens seem to really want to look like something from Mars these days. It's up to their parents. I also think there has to be some leeway on how they dress, at that age, because if you are too strict it will come back to bite you. If a kid is doing well in school and staying out of trouble, I'd probably let them put a splash of purple or pink in their hair if they earned it. Teens at that age are just looking to express themselves. Think back to when you were a teen.  I used to wear army boots and fatigues, but I was a straight A student.

I have also found that if you look too good on the outside, your inside just might need a bit of housecleaning.

I should have slowed down and read most of the posts I was trying to hurry because I had to leave for work. I didn't realize we were talking about the baggy pants wearing gang bangers I was just thinking of how my kid will be lazy sometimes. But let me clarify what I mean by portray the correct image: To me just pulling your hair back and throwing on flip flops is acceptable if you at least take the time to put on jeans and get out of the baggy sweats for going to the store. My daughter will want to wear the sweats with the paint or stains on them out to run errands and that looks sloppy to me for anything other than doing housework. I don't expect my daughter be materialistic or dress in a manor which is uncomfortable to her but I also will not buy anything I feel is in appropriate for her if she wants anything like that she can use her own money and wear it when I am not with her fortunately I don't have to deal with that because she can be more conservative than I am sometimes.

My daughter is almost 20 and not into drugs, not pregnant, honestly the only thing I really have to complain about is she is giving up a good job working at Disney World to come back here and she refuses to go to school and get an education. I don't want her to be stuck here with a no-nothing job just because she is homesick so I guess everything she is doing right now is sensitive to me because I can't get it through her thick head she will regret this decision later. We have been fighting non-stop since she left and this time she won I can't live her life I can only offer my opinion.

***I spanked my kids when they did wrong and praised them when they did good

***I didn't give into their demands when they were little when I said NO

***I was accused by my own mother of being to strict

I feel I am reaping what I sew now since gangs have never even been an issue in our home. I am not a church goer so that had no influence on the upbringing of the kids either but I was their friend when they needed one but most of all I was a parent.

I know I made many mistakes along the way and I think I am still making them so sorry if I gave the impression that my daughter was anything other than a normal teenager I am; just.. like I said above; being negative and sensitive since the time of her return is near. So sorry if I posted about the wrong subject in the wrong blog ~please forgive.....

~Not the Walton's but Not the Osbourne's either...just somewhere in-between~

I see good and bad in what you are talking about LuvMyKatz. On the one hand I would be glad my daughter doesn't feel the need to impress anyone, and is comfortable enough in her own skin to go out looking like that. On the other hand I see what you are saying about self respect.  When I was younger I wouldn't leave the house without makeup on and I was dressed accordingly. Several years and three kids later make up is a luxury I often do without. lol 

I honestly blame the parents. I mean who do you think buys these clothes for them in the first place. Even when I was working(which was at 16 as soon as I could) and using my own money I still wasn't allowed to buy clothes my parents didn't like. lol I still remember my father throwing a fit because my prom dress had straps and not a full sleeve! lol Ok, so my parents were a bit extreme, but I understood their points. (even if I didn't like it at the time :) )

What happened to respecting one's elders? To knowing what was acceptable in public and what wasn't .To taking your hat off  while inside the house or during the NATIONAL ANTHEM for that matter. Or just caring for someone other than yourself in general.

We live in a feel good society. Everything is acceptable. No one wants to ruffle feathers or hurt feelings. You are considered horrible parents and fear being turned in to authorities if you spank your kids. Parents seem to be investing less and less time into their children as they work more and more trying to keep up with the cost of living.  Teachers and after school programs are expected to raise their kids for them. If discipline is needed the parents are constantly looking to place blame somewhere else. It's never their kids fault. Accountability for ones actions seems to be non-existent. What do we expect in a world where criminals have the same if not more rights than their victim's do.

Hey, Greg and Luv, never be afraid of expressing your convictions. Alas, the days of "The Walton's" are gone and will never come back again. It seems that today's "parents" (and I put that in parenthesis deliberately) are no more than Roommates to their kids. It's like they are saying, "you go ahead and live your own life and I'll live mine." It's exactly THAT kind of attitude that makes the GANGS all the more alluring. Somebody to belong to and somebody who gives a damn about you. Bottom line...it's the breakdown of the American Family. In my day it was, "you live under my roof and I pay the bills, you will live by my rules. If you don't accept that, then get the hell out". Again, "Parents" are the real whoosie's in their own kids worlds. Period. End of Report.

Jim Richards