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Feels like it's time for humor...
Here's a little something I was sent and thought I'd pass it along...
Subject: Zen Sarcasms 1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me alone. 2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire. 3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it. 4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted. 5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else. 6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet. 7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments. 8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes. 9. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. 10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. 11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it. 12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything. 13. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield. 14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them. 15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket. 16. A closed mouth gathers no foot. 17. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works. 18. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving. 19. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. 20. Never miss a good chance to shut up. 21. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. 8 comments from 7 users
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posted by
samheath
on Sep 26, 2007 at 02:09 PM
How very much of humor is really just plain old fashioned common sense.
posted by
GregL
on Sep 26, 2007 at 03:09 PM
Weebles, this is good stuff! And how true that so many of them are common sense!Someone just sent me the following, I hope you don't mind me adding it to your blog. I totally failed! :( Personal Test For Dementia I am sure all of you will get A plus. Below are four (4) questions and a bonus question. You have to answer them instantly. You can't take your time, answer all of them immediately OK? Let's find out just how clever you really are.... Ready? GO!!! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ First Question: You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in? Answer: If you answered that you are first, then you are absolutely wrong! If you overtake the second person and you take his place, you are second! Try not to screw up next time. Now answer the second question, but don't take as much time as you took for the first question, OK ? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Second Question: If you overtake the last person, then you are...? Answer: If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST person? You're not very good at this, are you? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Third Question: Very tricky arithmetic! Note: This must be done in your head only . Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it. Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000 . Now add 30 . Add another 1000 . Now add 20 . Now add another 1000 . Now add 10 . What is the total? Did you get 5000? The correct answer is actually 4100. If you don't believe it, check it with a calculator! Today is definitely not your day, is it? Maybe you'll get the last question right... Maybe. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Fourth Question: Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono. What is the name of the fifth daughter? Did you Answer Nunu? NO! Of course it isn't. Her name is Mary. Read the question again! Okay, now the bonus round: A mute person goes into a shop and wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing his teeth he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done. Next, a blind man comes into the shop who wants to buy a pair of sunglasses; how does HE indicate what he wants? He just has to open his mouth and ask... It's really very simple. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ PASS THIS ON TO FRUSTRATE THE SMART PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE! posted by
christibdce
on Sep 26, 2007 at 09:36 PM
I feel like such an idiot for getting the adding one wrong, lol.I must argue with the first one. It really depends on how you interpret the question, because the language therein can be taken two ways. posted by
countygirl
on Sep 27, 2007 at 11:11 AM
These were great thanks! Oh, and Greg I got them all wrong!! Man do I feel dumb! lol
posted by
packerfan
on Sep 27, 2007 at 11:48 AM
Thanks for the humor guys! I seem to have been the bug for quite some time now. Man would I enjoy being the windshield once in a while. :-)) Much more information on the Capital Hills project to come on my blog later today. And...NO, I do not have any personal interest in Tower Investments nor do I own property in the Capital Hills area. Jason Caudle is the one that wants to put in housing in what is a business district. I am quite sure these rumors came from either Caudle, or Debra Hand and Phil Smith, neither of whom have a vote in the City Hall project because their property ownership is either to close to the present City Hall or is too close to the proposed shopping center City Hall site. posted by
sweetiepie
on Sep 27, 2007 at 10:43 PM
It's all fun and games untill someone starts to cry. Oh well. At least I got the bline persone one right! Have fun! posted by
GregL
on Sep 28, 2007 at 06:59 AM
Awsmom, you can't be president if you got one right! I got them all wrong and I like to think of myself as soooooo smart! Maybe you can be vice pres.
posted by
LoriMorales
on Sep 28, 2007 at 08:54 AM
All of these were terrific and very funny to read. Thanks for the pick-me-up. But, #4 - If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted. I don't find this sarcastic in the least. It is absolutely correct, right on the money. And the dementia test? I've taken this before and still didn't improve my score. Only got one right. Really frustrating because I'm usually thinking I'm pretty darn smart! Is the Secretary position open in the new club?
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