http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/Colitas/16883 Okay here it goes.&nbsp; I don't usually put &quot;family issues&quot; here but I just don't know what to do and there are many of guys out there that I have come to highly respect your opinions even thought I might not agree 100%.&nbsp; But here goes.&nbsp; I come from a family of alcoholics...mom, dad, grandma, grandpa, etc.&nbsp; I know it.&nbsp; I lived it.&nbsp; When I was a kid friends did not come to my house.&nbsp; I didn't want them too.&nbsp; I only had one friend that would come over because her dad was an alcoholic and she understood.&nbsp; So people mistook me as shy or withdrawn or weird because it was just one friend...especially in high school.&nbsp; I know I have a tendency to drink too much.&nbsp; I have many times.&nbsp; But I am afraid of that beast so I know my limits.&nbsp; I know I can't drink too much.&nbsp; I have two kids and I WILL NOT have them live like I did.&nbsp; There were many things that could have been avoided in my childhood.&nbsp; I will not have my children feel the way I did.&nbsp; Anyhow,&nbsp; I married a 26 year old man two years ago.&nbsp; He is a good man.&nbsp; He provides for us.&nbsp; I am able to stay home with the kids and wouldn't be able to do that without him.&nbsp; He works really hard.&nbsp; He took on a lot when we got married....an instant family (I had a 4 yr old), mortgage, insurance, kid stuff, etc.&nbsp; All he had to worry about before was his truck payment, and insurance payment.&nbsp; So I know his life changed.&nbsp; I warned him.&nbsp; We would go out, go to friends house and drink all night, etc.&nbsp; I had always told him during that time that this person he sees out is just a part of me, but when I am at home with my son, I don't drink.&nbsp; (My parents would take my son on the weekends)&nbsp; He knows my history.&nbsp; I know that I am hypersensitive to drinking.&nbsp; I have told him this.&nbsp; But I have also said I will not let my kids be affected by drinking.&nbsp; Well, he likes his beer.&nbsp; I like my beer.&nbsp; But the difference is he has three to my one.&nbsp; Just tonight he drank 8 beers in 2 hours.&nbsp; This isn't unusual.&nbsp; He can go without for days, even weeks at a time.&nbsp; But once he has one he doesn't stop.&nbsp; I just had a conversation with him 3 nights ago about how I am getting concern about the drinking again.&nbsp; We have had many conversations.&nbsp; I truly don't care if he has one or two beers a night, but six to 8 is too many.&nbsp; Frankly I don't know what to do.&nbsp; I don't even have a problem with us drinking too much once in awhile.&nbsp; I don't have a problem with him drinking 6 to 8 beers on a Saturday (the whole day, not just hours).&nbsp; I have to tell him when I go out to do something with my eldest &quot;Don't drink too much while I am gone.&quot;&nbsp; I know I am a little paranoid.&nbsp; But what if the baby gets hurt and he is on his 6th beer?&nbsp; He shouldn't drive.&nbsp; If the ambulance comes and smells alcohol then what then?&nbsp; I don't know if this is right or not, but I am two different people.&nbsp; When my parents have my kids, watch out, I can be a party animal.&nbsp; But when my kids are home, I don't.&nbsp; Am I being hypocritical?&nbsp; Am I being paranoid?&nbsp; Am I being a bitch...it's ok for me to do it sometimes, but not him?&nbsp; And again, I have had many talks with him about this.&nbsp; What is it going to take for him to &quot;hear&quot; me?&nbsp; Should I just not have alcohol in the house?&nbsp; I know each person is different on how the wind down or relieve stress.&nbsp; But I don't know why he has to have so many?&nbsp; I probably do know, I just don't want to acknowledge it.&nbsp; Any advice on how I can get through to him?&nbsp; Okay here it goes.&nbsp; I don't usually put &quot;family issues&quot; here but I just don't know what to do and there are many of guys out there that I have come to highly respect your opinions even thought I might not agree 100%.&nbsp; But here goes.&nbsp; I come from a family of alcoholics...mom, dad, grandma, grandpa, etc.&nbsp; I know it.&nbsp; I lived it.&nbsp; When I was a kid friends did not come to my house.&nbsp; I didn't want them too.&nbsp; I only had one friend that would come over because her dad was an alcoholic and she understood.&nbsp; So people mistook me as shy or withdrawn or weird because it was just one friend...especially in high school.&nbsp; I know I have a tendency to drink too much.&nbsp; I have many times.&nbsp; But I am afraid of that beast so I know my limits.&nbsp; I know I can't drink too much.&nbsp; I have two kids and I WILL NOT have them live like I did.&nbsp; There were many things that could have been avoided in my childhood.&nbsp; I will not have my children feel the way I did.&nbsp; Anyhow,&nbsp; I married a 26 year old man two years ago.&nbsp; He is a good man.&nbsp; He provides for us.&nbsp; I am able to stay home with the kids and wouldn't be able to do that without him.&nbsp; He works really hard.&nbsp; He took on a lot when we got married....an instant family (I had a 4 yr old), mortgage, insurance, kid stuff, etc.&nbsp; All he had to worry about before was his truck payment, and insurance payment.&nbsp; So I know his life changed.&nbsp; I warned him.&nbsp; We would go out, go to friends house and drink all night, etc.&nbsp; I had always told him during that time that this person he sees out is just a part of me, but when I am at home with my son, I don't drink.&nbsp; (My parents would take my son on the weekends)&nbsp; He knows my history.&nbsp; I know that I am hypersensitive to drinking.&nbsp; I have told him this.&nbsp; But I have also said I will not let my kids be affected by drinking.&nbsp; Well, he likes his beer.&nbsp; I like my beer.&nbsp; But the difference is he has three to my one.&nbsp; Just tonight he drank 8 beers in 2 hours.&nbsp; This isn't unusual.&nbsp; He can go without for days, even weeks at a time.&nbsp; But once he has one he doesn't stop.&nbsp; I just had a conversation with him 3 nights ago about how I am getting concern about the drinking again.&nbsp; We have had many conversations.&nbsp; I truly don't care if he has one or two beers a night, but six to 8 is too many.&nbsp; Frankly I don't know what to do.&nbsp; I don't even have a problem with us drinking too much once in awhile.&nbsp; I don't have a problem with him drinking 6 to 8 beers on a Saturday (the whole day, not just hours).&nbsp; I have to tell him when I go out to do something with my eldest &quot;Don't drink too much while I am gone.&quot;&nbsp; I know I am a little paranoid.&nbsp; But what if the baby gets hurt and he is on his 6th beer?&nbsp; He shouldn't drive.&nbsp; If the ambulance comes and smells alcohol then what then?&nbsp; I don't know if this is right or not, but I am two different people.&nbsp; When my parents have my kids, watch out, I can be a party animal.&nbsp; But when my kids are home, I don't.&nbsp; Am I being hypocritical?&nbsp; Am I being paranoid?&nbsp; Am I being a bitch...it's ok for me to do it sometimes, but not him?&nbsp; And again, I have had many talks with him about this.&nbsp; What is it going to take for him to &quot;hear&quot; me?&nbsp; Should I just not have alcohol in the house?&nbsp; I know each person is different on how the wind down or relieve stress.&nbsp; But I don't know why he has to have so many?&nbsp; I probably do know, I just don't want to acknowledge it.&nbsp; Any advice on how I can get through to him?&nbsp; en-us Colitas, I am sorry you have to deal with this. It sounds like a heavy burden on your heart, and I wish I had an easy suggestion!&nbsp; First of all... Are your parents now &quot;in recovery&quot;?&nbsp; I hope that if you are still leaving your children with them for occasional weekends of fun that they are no longer drinking?&nbsp; <br /> <br /> I can completely understand you wanting better for your kids than you had... and not wanting them to grow up with an alcoholic father.&nbsp; And, I think you DO need to acknowledge what you already know.&nbsp; Your husband is an alcoholic.&nbsp; 6-8 beers in a matter of hours.... If you've had &quot;the talk&quot; before, and he still needs to consume that much alcohol, I think it is safe to say he is satisfying an addition, not just having weekend fun.<br /> <br /> I guess I'm curious to know how he acts when he drinks?&nbsp; Is he a jerk?&nbsp; Is he someone you would not want the kids to be around? <br /> <br /> Would your parents be willing to talk to him (if they are sober now)?&nbsp; Perhaps if they shared their experiences, he would be encouraged to seek help?<br /> <br /> And if he denies having a problem, which I understand they all do... then maybe you can suggest eliminating all alcohol from your home for a time.... or insist that he only drink when you are home, and that you are the &quot;designated parent&quot; if the children need something. <br /> <br /> I'm just giving my 2 cents. I've never had to deal with alcoholism, or been close to anyone who has. I know it is always a complicated situation, and can really ruin relationships, childhoods, and futures. I wish you luck.... and send my prayers for your family.<br /> <br /> <br /> http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/Colitas/16883/#c_159451 http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/Colitas/16883/#c_159451 Colitas, I am sorry you have to deal with this. It sounds like a heavy burden on your heart, and I wish I had an easy suggestion!&nbsp; First of all... Are your parents now &quot;in recovery&quot;?&nbsp; I hope that if you are still leaving your children with them for occasional weekends of fun that they are no longer drinking?&nbsp; <br /> <br /> I can completely understand you wanting better for your kids than you had... and not wanting them to grow up with an alcoholic father.&nbsp; And, I think you DO need to acknowledge what you already know.&nbsp; Your husband is an alcoholic.&nbsp; 6-8 beers in a matter of hours.... If you've had &quot;the talk&quot; before, and he still needs to consume that much alcohol, I think it is safe to say he is satisfying an addition, not just having weekend fun.<br /> <br /> I guess I'm curious to know how he acts when he drinks?&nbsp; Is he a jerk?&nbsp; Is he someone you would not want the kids to be around? <br /> <br /> Would your parents be willing to talk to him (if they are sober now)?&nbsp; Perhaps if they shared their experiences, he would be encouraged to seek help?<br /> <br /> And if he denies having a problem, which I understand they all do... then maybe you can suggest eliminating all alcohol from your home for a time.... or insist that he only drink when you are home, and that you are the &quot;designated parent&quot; if the children need something. <br /> <br /> I'm just giving my 2 cents. I've never had to deal with alcoholism, or been close to anyone who has. I know it is always a complicated situation, and can really ruin relationships, childhoods, and futures. I wish you luck.... and send my prayers for your family.<br /> <br /> <br /> Funny I'm reading this now... I'm a little drunk, lol!&nbsp; Maybe I'll think of a good solution once I sober up, haha! http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/Colitas/16883/#c_159461 http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/Colitas/16883/#c_159461 Funny I'm reading this now... I'm a little drunk, lol!&nbsp; Maybe I'll think of a good solution once I sober up, haha! COLUTSA YOUR GEART YOU KNOW THAR!~!! http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/Colitas/16883/#c_159487 http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/Colitas/16883/#c_159487 COLUTSA YOUR GEART YOU KNOW THAR!~!! <em>Colitas, keep talking to him about your feelings.  If he is an alcoholic, you know, your party days may be over. I know it  gets old and I know it gets tiresome.  I wish I knew what to tell you.  I'm here if you need to talk back and forth.  As always, I know what you are going through. Email me if you need to.</em> http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/Colitas/16883/#c_159490 http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/Colitas/16883/#c_159490 <em>Colitas, keep talking to him about your feelings.  If he is an alcoholic, you know, your party days may be over. I know it  gets old and I know it gets tiresome.  I wish I knew what to tell you.  I'm here if you need to talk back and forth.  As always, I know what you are going through. Email me if you need to.</em> <p>sunshine...thank you.&nbsp; No my parents still drink.&nbsp; They don't however when my son is with them.&nbsp; This is something we have talked about and they don't.&nbsp; I have even called and &quot;dropped&quot; by to make sure.&nbsp; We have had our fights when he has been drinking but normally I have been too.&nbsp; And the last was close to 2 years ago because I refuse to do it.&nbsp; But, no is not a jerk 99% of the time.&nbsp; In fact he is much easier going when he is drinking.&nbsp; He has much more patience with the kids and plays with them, etc.&nbsp; Do I leave them alone with him after he has had too much, no.&nbsp; I in fact tell him not to drink if I have to go some place.&nbsp; I hate having to that.&nbsp; Then I become &quot;instant bitch&quot; when he starts on his forth beer.&nbsp; I look for anything and everything he might do wrong and blame it on the drinking.&nbsp; I know this isn't right, and I hate it.&nbsp; I just can't control it.&nbsp; My mom told me one time that &quot;I don't have a drinking problem, I have a problem with drinking too much sometimes.&quot;&nbsp; I couldn't respond to that.&nbsp; And of course that was when I still had a bunch of hatred towards her.&nbsp; I now&nbsp; have move on from that, forgave and love them.&nbsp; I just don't want to have to go through it all again or mostly my kids go through it.&nbsp; And yes, I think I do know what I have to do and stop dodging the &quot;big pink elephant&quot; that is in the room.&nbsp; Again, thank you.</p> <p>Madkow...you sound like you have fun last night...lol.&nbsp; Good for you!!&nbsp; How are ya feeling today ;)</p> <p>Olivia....thank you too.&nbsp; I know I can talk to you.&nbsp; I know what my limitations are and I just wish he did too.&nbsp; My party days are already pretty much gone..lol.&nbsp; I think the last time I tied one on was a year ago.&nbsp; Sometimes I think it's an age thing.&nbsp; I don't know.&nbsp; But I don't want to look back 10 years from now and &quot;oops, I guess I was wrong&quot;.&nbsp; I don't know.</p> <p>&nbsp;</p> http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/Colitas/16883/#c_159540 http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/Colitas/16883/#c_159540 <p>sunshine...thank you.&nbsp; No my parents still drink.&nbsp; They don't however when my son is with them.&nbsp; This is something we have talked about and they don't.&nbsp; I have even called and &quot;dropped&quot; by to make sure.&nbsp; We have had our fights when he has been drinking but normally I have been too.&nbsp; And the last was close to 2 years ago because I refuse to do it.&nbsp; But, no is not a jerk 99% of the time.&nbsp; In fact he is much easier going when he is drinking.&nbsp; He has much more patience with the kids and plays with them, etc.&nbsp; Do I leave them alone with him after he has had too much, no.&nbsp; I in fact tell him not to drink if I have to go some place.&nbsp; I hate having to that.&nbsp; Then I become &quot;instant bitch&quot; when he starts on his forth beer.&nbsp; I look for anything and everything he might do wrong and blame it on the drinking.&nbsp; I know this isn't right, and I hate it.&nbsp; I just can't control it.&nbsp; My mom told me one time that &quot;I don't have a drinking problem, I have a problem with drinking too much sometimes.&quot;&nbsp; I couldn't respond to that.&nbsp; And of course that was when I still had a bunch of hatred towards her.&nbsp; I now&nbsp; have move on from that, forgave and love them.&nbsp; I just don't want to have to go through it all again or mostly my kids go through it.&nbsp; And yes, I think I do know what I have to do and stop dodging the &quot;big pink elephant&quot; that is in the room.&nbsp; Again, thank you.</p> <p>Madkow...you sound like you have fun last night...lol.&nbsp; Good for you!!&nbsp; How are ya feeling today ;)</p> <p>Olivia....thank you too.&nbsp; I know I can talk to you.&nbsp; I know what my limitations are and I just wish he did too.&nbsp; My party days are already pretty much gone..lol.&nbsp; I think the last time I tied one on was a year ago.&nbsp; Sometimes I think it's an age thing.&nbsp; I don't know.&nbsp; But I don't want to look back 10 years from now and &quot;oops, I guess I was wrong&quot;.&nbsp; I don't know.</p> <p>&nbsp;</p> Ok, ok... sorry to be blogging while intoxicated... you wouldn't believe what I did on myspace *cringe*&nbsp;&nbsp; Suffice to say that my husband is writing apologies to almost all his friends :(&nbsp; (although I'm impressed I was able to type in the spam code!) http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/Colitas/16883/#c_159542 http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/Colitas/16883/#c_159542 Ok, ok... sorry to be blogging while intoxicated... you wouldn't believe what I did on myspace *cringe*&nbsp;&nbsp; Suffice to say that my husband is writing apologies to almost all his friends :(&nbsp; (although I'm impressed I was able to type in the spam code!) <p><em>Colitas, you know I've come from an alcoholic background also.&nbsp; My ex husband rarely drank.&nbsp; When he would.&nbsp; He would just make me sick and I couldn't stand it.&nbsp; I blamed that on having to be around my dad being drunk all the time.&nbsp; My ex is just a plain ol sick, mean man.&nbsp; As I've stated before on another comment.&nbsp; I hung in there until I had absolultely &quot;zilch&quot; hope left in him.&nbsp; When I finally left him, I knew it was absolutely the right thing to do.&nbsp; (Why I didn't know earlier still makes me doubt my sanity)&nbsp; My thought when I made the decison to leave him was this.&nbsp; &quot;I've been married to this man for 20 years&quot;, those 20 years went by so quickly and other than 4 kids, our marriage was a complete waste of time.&nbsp; We accomplished nothing.&nbsp; I just couldn't imagine spending another 20 years doing nothing with him.</em></p> <p><em>Bigdog and I&nbsp;have been together for 8 years.&nbsp; He goes to AA.&nbsp; He's been sober now for a while.&nbsp; My life and my security is slowly coming back.&nbsp; I love this guy.&nbsp; I have hope in him.&nbsp; I won't ever leave him unless again, I lose all hope in him.&nbsp; I can't help but believe in marriage.&nbsp; I believe in better or worse.&nbsp; I married him knowing his problems.&nbsp; I wish I knew what to say to you.&nbsp; I <strong>know, </strong>what you are feeling.&nbsp; Have you seen these 20 questions?&nbsp; Maybe he could look at these&nbsp;and make a decision for himself.&nbsp;&nbsp;You can't keep from bitching, I know that.&nbsp; I've been where you are.&nbsp; It doesn't make you feel better.&nbsp; It isn't helping him.&nbsp; In the final end though, you have to do what you know is right.&nbsp; And that's way more than my 2 cents.&nbsp; Take care Colitas.</em></p> <p><em><a href="http://www.step12.com/alcoholic-20-questions.html">www.step12.com/alcoholic-20-questions.html</a></em></p> http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/Colitas/16883/#c_159614 http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/Colitas/16883/#c_159614 <p><em>Colitas, you know I've come from an alcoholic background also.&nbsp; My ex husband rarely drank.&nbsp; When he would.&nbsp; He would just make me sick and I couldn't stand it.&nbsp; I blamed that on having to be around my dad being drunk all the time.&nbsp; My ex is just a plain ol sick, mean man.&nbsp; As I've stated before on another comment.&nbsp; I hung in there until I had absolultely &quot;zilch&quot; hope left in him.&nbsp; When I finally left him, I knew it was absolutely the right thing to do.&nbsp; (Why I didn't know earlier still makes me doubt my sanity)&nbsp; My thought when I made the decison to leave him was this.&nbsp; &quot;I've been married to this man for 20 years&quot;, those 20 years went by so quickly and other than 4 kids, our marriage was a complete waste of time.&nbsp; We accomplished nothing.&nbsp; I just couldn't imagine spending another 20 years doing nothing with him.</em></p> <p><em>Bigdog and I&nbsp;have been together for 8 years.&nbsp; He goes to AA.&nbsp; He's been sober now for a while.&nbsp; My life and my security is slowly coming back.&nbsp; I love this guy.&nbsp; I have hope in him.&nbsp; I won't ever leave him unless again, I lose all hope in him.&nbsp; I can't help but believe in marriage.&nbsp; I believe in better or worse.&nbsp; I married him knowing his problems.&nbsp; I wish I knew what to say to you.&nbsp; I <strong>know, </strong>what you are feeling.&nbsp; Have you seen these 20 questions?&nbsp; Maybe he could look at these&nbsp;and make a decision for himself.&nbsp;&nbsp;You can't keep from bitching, I know that.&nbsp; I've been where you are.&nbsp; It doesn't make you feel better.&nbsp; It isn't helping him.&nbsp; In the final end though, you have to do what you know is right.&nbsp; And that's way more than my 2 cents.&nbsp; Take care Colitas.</em></p> <p><em><a href="http://www.step12.com/alcoholic-20-questions.html">www.step12.com/alcoholic-20-questions.html</a></em></p> you might want to check out alanon. They have a great program for people that have to deal with those in their lives that 'seem' to be drinking too much. http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/Colitas/16883/#c_159629 http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/Colitas/16883/#c_159629 you might want to check out alanon. They have a great program for people that have to deal with those in their lives that 'seem' to be drinking too much. <div style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt">Colitas, </span></div> <div style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt">&nbsp;</div> <div style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt">I married a woman with 5 children. I also like my beer. The difference between me and him is that I don&rsquo;t drink, I guzzle. To me, his 8 beers in 2 hours is fairly conservative. I bet I would drink 2 to his 1. My marriage failed and if drinking had anything to do with it, it was a very small portion of the many problems we had. Looking back, when things were good, I drank out of sheer boredom. As you can imagine, maintaining a&nbsp;household for my spouse, 5 children (ages 6-16 and all girls), 3 dogs, 2 birds and a hamster is quite expensive so there wasn&rsquo;t much in the way entertainment money. Then when things started to go wrong it became a necessity for me. At the time I felt like I was addicted and I would never be able to stop or slow down without professional help. Now that I&rsquo;m here all alone in this big empty house with nothing but memories (both good and bad) I can say that I was able to slow way down. I try to limit my drinking to one night a week. I&rsquo;m successful 90% of the time and I don&rsquo;t drink as much during that night as I did every night during my marriage. </span></div> <div style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt">&nbsp;</div> <div style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt">Ok, now that I&rsquo;ve established that I kinda know where he&rsquo;s coming from, here&rsquo;s some of the things that I was thinking and he may be thinking:</span></div> <div style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt">&nbsp;</div> <div style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt">&ldquo;I&rsquo;m a full grown man. I support this family. I&rsquo;m not at the bar with my buddies every night. I&rsquo;m not out chasing women or cheating on my wife. I don&rsquo;t physically, mentally or emotionally abuse my wife or children. I took on this ready-made family when a lot of other guys wouldn&rsquo;t. Other people my age are out doing such and such but instead I chose to do such and such&hellip;..so if I want drink a 12 pack a night, then by God I should be able too&hellip;..blah blah blah&rdquo;. I&rsquo;m not justifying it, just trying to give a little insight. </span></div> <div style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt">&nbsp;</div> <div style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt">Ok, I&rsquo;m no professional so take the following with a grain of salt.</span></div> <div style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt">&nbsp;</div> <div style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt">It seems to me that the main issue here is not how much or how often he drinks. It&rsquo;s not even the fact that he does it in front of the kids. The main issue is that you don&rsquo;t want your children to be embarrassed by it. So just like anything else, if you are embarrassed by it, your children will be more likely to be embarrassed by it. The children don&rsquo;t see that mommy gets upset when daddy drinks 3 or more beers in a night. They only see: daddy drinks beer, mommy gets upset. So even if he cuts down to 1 or 2 a night you&rsquo;re not really gaining anything. You&rsquo;re more likely to make them MORE hypersensitive than you are. Again, I&rsquo;m not a professional.</span></div> <div style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt">&nbsp;</div> <div style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt">My advice:</span></div> <div style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt">&nbsp;</div> <div style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt">You can&rsquo;t control what he does. If he wants to drink he&rsquo;s gonna drink and he&rsquo;ll justify it with the thoughts above. However, you CAN control what you do. If you absolutely have to make an issue of how much he drinks, NEVER do it in front of the children. I mean go behind closed doors without the children in the room and whisper. If they never see you make an issue with it then they probably won&rsquo;t even think about it. That means that you can&rsquo;t even express your concerns with friends or family with the children around. You may not think so but children are always paying attention to their parents. </span></div> <div style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt">&nbsp;</div> <div style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt">Get some counseling. If you think that he&rsquo;s not hearing you, then neither of you are communicating. You must get those lines of communication open and keep them open. I used to think that people who got counseling BEFORE they got married were crazy. I figured that if they had problems before they got married there was no way it was going to last. Now I realize that they are the smart ones. I wish I&rsquo;d done it. Before and during. </span></div> <div style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt">&nbsp;</div> <div style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt">Anyway, it&rsquo;s so long. Hope it helps.</span></div> <div style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt">&nbsp;</div> <div style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt">Ben.</span></div> http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/Colitas/16883/#c_160086 http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/Colitas/16883/#c_160086 <div style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt">Colitas, </span></div> <div style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt">&nbsp;</div> <div style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt">I married a woman with 5 children. I also like my beer. The difference between me and him is that I don&rsquo;t drink, I guzzle. To me, his 8 beers in 2 hours is fairly conservative. I bet I would drink 2 to his 1. My marriage failed and if drinking had anything to do with it, it was a very small portion of the many problems we had. Looking back, when things were good, I drank out of sheer boredom. As you can imagine, maintaining a&nbsp;household for my spouse, 5 children (ages 6-16 and all girls), 3 dogs, 2 birds and a hamster is quite expensive so there wasn&rsquo;t much in the way entertainment money. Then when things started to go wrong it became a necessity for me. At the time I felt like I was addicted and I would never be able to stop or slow down without professional help. Now that I&rsquo;m here all alone in this big empty house with nothing but memories (both good and bad) I can say that I was able to slow way down. I try to limit my drinking to one night a week. I&rsquo;m successful 90% of the time and I don&rsquo;t drink as much during that night as I did every night during my marriage. </span></div> <div style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt">&nbsp;</div> <div style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt">Ok, now that I&rsquo;ve established that I kinda know where he&rsquo;s coming from, here&rsquo;s some of the things that I was thinking and he may be thinking:</span></div> <div style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt">&nbsp;</div> <div style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt">&ldquo;I&rsquo;m a full grown man. I support this family. I&rsquo;m not at the bar with my buddies every night. I&rsquo;m not out chasing women or cheating on my wife. I don&rsquo;t physically, mentally or emotionally abuse my wife or children. I took on this ready-made family when a lot of other guys wouldn&rsquo;t. Other people my age are out doing such and such but instead I chose to do such and such&hellip;..so if I want drink a 12 pack a night, then by God I should be able too&hellip;..blah blah blah&rdquo;. I&rsquo;m not justifying it, just trying to give a little insight. </span></div> <div style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt">&nbsp;</div> <div style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt">Ok, I&rsquo;m no professional so take the following with a grain of salt.</span></div> <div style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt">&nbsp;</div> <div style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt">It seems to me that the main issue here is not how much or how often he drinks. It&rsquo;s not even the fact that he does it in front of the kids. The main issue is that you don&rsquo;t want your children to be embarrassed by it. So just like anything else, if you are embarrassed by it, your children will be more likely to be embarrassed by it. The children don&rsquo;t see that mommy gets upset when daddy drinks 3 or more beers in a night. They only see: daddy drinks beer, mommy gets upset. So even if he cuts down to 1 or 2 a night you&rsquo;re not really gaining anything. You&rsquo;re more likely to make them MORE hypersensitive than you are. Again, I&rsquo;m not a professional.</span></div> <div style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt">&nbsp;</div> <div style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt">My advice:</span></div> <div style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt">&nbsp;</div> <div style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt">You can&rsquo;t control what he does. If he wants to drink he&rsquo;s gonna drink and he&rsquo;ll justify it with the thoughts above. However, you CAN control what you do. If you absolutely have to make an issue of how much he drinks, NEVER do it in front of the children. I mean go behind closed doors without the children in the room and whisper. If they never see you make an issue with it then they probably won&rsquo;t even think about it. That means that you can&rsquo;t even express your concerns with friends or family with the children around. You may not think so but children are always paying attention to their parents. </span></div> <div style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt">&nbsp;</div> <div style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt">Get some counseling. If you think that he&rsquo;s not hearing you, then neither of you are communicating. You must get those lines of communication open and keep them open. I used to think that people who got counseling BEFORE they got married were crazy. I figured that if they had problems before they got married there was no way it was going to last. Now I realize that they are the smart ones. I wish I&rsquo;d done it. Before and during. </span></div> <div style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt">&nbsp;</div> <div style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt">Anyway, it&rsquo;s so long. Hope it helps.</span></div> <div style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt">&nbsp;</div> <div style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt">Ben.</span></div> <strong><font size="3">olifieldtrash you sound like you are blaming&nbsp;your family for&nbsp;your drinking. I too married a broad with 4 kids, I have2.That makes&nbsp;&nbsp;a wife 6 kids 5 cats 2 dogs 2 birds a turtle and a fish.I guzzled beer to. All day long one right&nbsp;after the other.&nbsp;That being said, I did not drink for the reasons above. I drank because i was a drunk. an Alcoholic. take responsibility for&nbsp; your drinking and stop blaming others. And you say that drinking had little to do with your divorce. Man you live in&nbsp;la la land. Believe me no woman wants to be with a drunk. &nbsp;</font></strong> http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/Colitas/16883/#c_160093 http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/Colitas/16883/#c_160093 <strong><font size="3">olifieldtrash you sound like you are blaming&nbsp;your family for&nbsp;your drinking. I too married a broad with 4 kids, I have2.That makes&nbsp;&nbsp;a wife 6 kids 5 cats 2 dogs 2 birds a turtle and a fish.I guzzled beer to. All day long one right&nbsp;after the other.&nbsp;That being said, I did not drink for the reasons above. I drank because i was a drunk. an Alcoholic. take responsibility for&nbsp; your drinking and stop blaming others. And you say that drinking had little to do with your divorce. Man you live in&nbsp;la la land. Believe me no woman wants to be with a drunk. &nbsp;</font></strong> <p>Ok, I re-read. Yep it SOUNDS like I'm blaming them. Can't argue with that big dog. I'm a drunk. Feel better? I do. Thanks for making me see the light.</p> http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/Colitas/16883/#c_160122 http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/Colitas/16883/#c_160122 <p>Ok, I re-read. Yep it SOUNDS like I'm blaming them. Can't argue with that big dog. I'm a drunk. Feel better? I do. Thanks for making me see the light.</p> <p><em>LOL</em></p> http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/Colitas/16883/#c_160137 http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/Colitas/16883/#c_160137 <p><em>LOL</em></p> <em>Bigdog, please don't call me broad.</em> http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/Colitas/16883/#c_160139 http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/Colitas/16883/#c_160139 <em>Bigdog, please don't call me broad.</em> <strong><font size="3">Oh well maybe I wasn't talking about you.</font></strong> http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/Colitas/16883/#c_160143 http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/Colitas/16883/#c_160143 <strong><font size="3">Oh well maybe I wasn't talking about you.</font></strong> lol. I was wondering if the broad comment was gonna bother you. http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/Colitas/16883/#c_160144 http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/Colitas/16883/#c_160144 lol. I was wondering if the broad comment was gonna bother you. <strong><font size="3">No the broad comment don't bother my old lady, ain't that right woman.</font></strong> http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/Colitas/16883/#c_160149 http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/Colitas/16883/#c_160149 <strong><font size="3">No the broad comment don't bother my old lady, ain't that right woman.</font></strong> <p>If this man loves you, truly loves you, he will listen to you. Perhaps he doesn;t think you are completely serious. It would be hard for me to have someone tell me all about the evils of drinking, truly understand how they feel, and then go out on the weekend and get hammered with them. That doesn't make a lot of sense. How can you take someone seriously if they don't practice what they preach?</p> <p>Whatever you do don't come at him accusing him with phrases like &quot;You need to stop&quot;, &quot;You have a problem&quot; etc. That will only make him defensive and unresponsive. Why not try to tackle this in a more creative way? For example, add up how much money you spend on alcohol in a regular month. Now add up what it would cost say having only 2 beers a day, everyday. See what that difference is. I'm sure with added responsibilities he doesn't have as much free flowing cash and surely that extra money he would really rather use to buy something new for his truck, take a weekend away with you, etc. There must be somewhere he loves to go, something he loves to do, incorporate that into a weekend away together. Sit down and talk to him about it and say we will save X amount of dollers if we only have one beer with dinner during the week etc.&nbsp; </p> <p>You want the end result to be him drinking less. It really doesn't matter how that comes to be as long as it does. Good luck and let us know what happens. </p> <p>&nbsp;</p> <p>&nbsp;</p> http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/Colitas/16883/#c_160163 http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/Colitas/16883/#c_160163 <p>If this man loves you, truly loves you, he will listen to you. Perhaps he doesn;t think you are completely serious. It would be hard for me to have someone tell me all about the evils of drinking, truly understand how they feel, and then go out on the weekend and get hammered with them. That doesn't make a lot of sense. How can you take someone seriously if they don't practice what they preach?</p> <p>Whatever you do don't come at him accusing him with phrases like &quot;You need to stop&quot;, &quot;You have a problem&quot; etc. That will only make him defensive and unresponsive. Why not try to tackle this in a more creative way? For example, add up how much money you spend on alcohol in a regular month. Now add up what it would cost say having only 2 beers a day, everyday. See what that difference is. I'm sure with added responsibilities he doesn't have as much free flowing cash and surely that extra money he would really rather use to buy something new for his truck, take a weekend away with you, etc. There must be somewhere he loves to go, something he loves to do, incorporate that into a weekend away together. Sit down and talk to him about it and say we will save X amount of dollers if we only have one beer with dinner during the week etc.&nbsp; </p> <p>You want the end result to be him drinking less. It really doesn't matter how that comes to be as long as it does. Good luck and let us know what happens. </p> <p>&nbsp;</p> <p>&nbsp;</p> yeah right. Have you ever tried to reason with a drunk, it doesn't work. Colitas i don't know your situation but it sounds like your hubby just might have a problem with booze. His behavior now may just be the beginning of whats to come. Most people that have drinking problems are not going to admit they have a problem and most of the time the drinking gets worst not better. telling a alcoholic that he can only have one or two beers is not going to work.All you are going to have is a pissed off person because his head and body is yelling at him to drink more. He will end up hiding his drinking from you if you limit his beers. To me a good definition of an alcoholic is its not how much or how often you drink, it's what happens to you after you take that first drink. Can you stop drinking, Do you crave more. And LOVE can not keep a alcoholic from drinking. I don't care how much he loves you if he's a alcoholic he will get drunk.He may stay sober for a little while, but he will drink. Encourage him to get help AA is free. Put it out there then leave it alone. Colitas try Al-anon. You need to take care of your self. Al anon will teach you how to do that.Colitas if non of the above pertains to you then maybe it will to someone Else. Good luck http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/Colitas/16883/#c_160188 http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/Colitas/16883/#c_160188 yeah right. Have you ever tried to reason with a drunk, it doesn't work. Colitas i don't know your situation but it sounds like your hubby just might have a problem with booze. His behavior now may just be the beginning of whats to come. Most people that have drinking problems are not going to admit they have a problem and most of the time the drinking gets worst not better. telling a alcoholic that he can only have one or two beers is not going to work.All you are going to have is a pissed off person because his head and body is yelling at him to drink more. He will end up hiding his drinking from you if you limit his beers. To me a good definition of an alcoholic is its not how much or how often you drink, it's what happens to you after you take that first drink. Can you stop drinking, Do you crave more. And LOVE can not keep a alcoholic from drinking. I don't care how much he loves you if he's a alcoholic he will get drunk.He may stay sober for a little while, but he will drink. Encourage him to get help AA is free. Put it out there then leave it alone. Colitas try Al-anon. You need to take care of your self. Al anon will teach you how to do that.Colitas if non of the above pertains to you then maybe it will to someone Else. Good luck oilfield...I had to read your post twice...I did get offended the first time, then I kept seeing the &quot;grain of salt&quot; thing.&nbsp; My kids don't hear us talk about the drinking.&nbsp; My oldest just says he stinks and my youngest&nbsp;use to&nbsp;not cuddle with him unless he had showered.&nbsp; I am not afraid of the embarrassment.&nbsp; I am afraid of the neglect.&nbsp; In my own experience it will happen.&nbsp; Not intentional but it will.&nbsp; There were experiences that happened to me that in my opinion would not have had happen if my parents were not drunk and more attentive.&nbsp; My parents love me and I them.&nbsp; If they would have known, and some they do, but not the really bad stuff, of what was happening when I was young, it would devastate them.&nbsp; Yes, some of the crap that happen was my choice....but then again what type of choice do you have when you are 11, 12, 13 yrs old.&nbsp; You need parents to be watching not drinking.&nbsp; So, again it isn't embarrassment.&nbsp; Yes, my husband did take on an instant family, and as I have said he is commended for that.&nbsp; But my youngest is his, &quot;our family&quot;.&nbsp; And I think I had said in my post that we did have our fights.&nbsp; He has been &quot;abusive&quot; on some levels.&nbsp; This stopped because I pulled a gun on him (not my best moment).&nbsp;&nbsp; BTW, my oldest wasn't around and I was pregnant with the other child at the time.&nbsp; He will try and get verbally abusive at times, but I do not allow it.&nbsp; I will walk away or just ignore him.&nbsp; Again, this doesn't happen often anymore.&nbsp; Ben, I do appreciate your comments I just felt I needed to clarify some things for you.&nbsp; http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/Colitas/16883/#c_160282 http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/Colitas/16883/#c_160282 oilfield...I had to read your post twice...I did get offended the first time, then I kept seeing the &quot;grain of salt&quot; thing.&nbsp; My kids don't hear us talk about the drinking.&nbsp; My oldest just says he stinks and my youngest&nbsp;use to&nbsp;not cuddle with him unless he had showered.&nbsp; I am not afraid of the embarrassment.&nbsp; I am afraid of the neglect.&nbsp; In my own experience it will happen.&nbsp; Not intentional but it will.&nbsp; There were experiences that happened to me that in my opinion would not have had happen if my parents were not drunk and more attentive.&nbsp; My parents love me and I them.&nbsp; If they would have known, and some they do, but not the really bad stuff, of what was happening when I was young, it would devastate them.&nbsp; Yes, some of the crap that happen was my choice....but then again what type of choice do you have when you are 11, 12, 13 yrs old.&nbsp; You need parents to be watching not drinking.&nbsp; So, again it isn't embarrassment.&nbsp; Yes, my husband did take on an instant family, and as I have said he is commended for that.&nbsp; But my youngest is his, &quot;our family&quot;.&nbsp; And I think I had said in my post that we did have our fights.&nbsp; He has been &quot;abusive&quot; on some levels.&nbsp; This stopped because I pulled a gun on him (not my best moment).&nbsp;&nbsp; BTW, my oldest wasn't around and I was pregnant with the other child at the time.&nbsp; He will try and get verbally abusive at times, but I do not allow it.&nbsp; I will walk away or just ignore him.&nbsp; Again, this doesn't happen often anymore.&nbsp; Ben, I do appreciate your comments I just felt I needed to clarify some things for you.&nbsp; smokey, I think I might be misunderstanding you.&nbsp; Are you saying that it doesn't make sense for me to tell him that he needs to slow down on his drinking when I am drinking too?&nbsp; If you are, that is one of my problems.&nbsp; I can have one beer, he has 8.&nbsp; So is it wrong for me to say that is too much?&nbsp; And I do practice what I preach....I don't get drunk in front of my kids.&nbsp; I don't risk my kids well being.&nbsp; I don't get upset when the next I look in the fridge and there is only 6 beers left because I forgot how much I had drank the night before.&nbsp; I don't forget to pick milk for the kids on my way home because I &quot;spaced&quot; it when my husband ask me too the night before when I was drinking.&nbsp; I hope you get my point on my how I practice what I preach.&nbsp; And if I took you wrong I am sorry.&nbsp; I put myself out here for comments, so I don't have any reason to complain.&nbsp; Just trying to clarify.&nbsp; Thanks for that suggestion.&nbsp; And you are right, the bottom line is I want him to drink less.&nbsp; http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/Colitas/16883/#c_160286 http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/Colitas/16883/#c_160286 smokey, I think I might be misunderstanding you.&nbsp; Are you saying that it doesn't make sense for me to tell him that he needs to slow down on his drinking when I am drinking too?&nbsp; If you are, that is one of my problems.&nbsp; I can have one beer, he has 8.&nbsp; So is it wrong for me to say that is too much?&nbsp; And I do practice what I preach....I don't get drunk in front of my kids.&nbsp; I don't risk my kids well being.&nbsp; I don't get upset when the next I look in the fridge and there is only 6 beers left because I forgot how much I had drank the night before.&nbsp; I don't forget to pick milk for the kids on my way home because I &quot;spaced&quot; it when my husband ask me too the night before when I was drinking.&nbsp; I hope you get my point on my how I practice what I preach.&nbsp; And if I took you wrong I am sorry.&nbsp; I put myself out here for comments, so I don't have any reason to complain.&nbsp; Just trying to clarify.&nbsp; Thanks for that suggestion.&nbsp; And you are right, the bottom line is I want him to drink less.&nbsp; gube...wow, you hit many things on the head.&nbsp; Kind of scary.&nbsp; I have been told since my 20's to try Al-anon.&nbsp; I just don't know how to take that first step.&nbsp; I mean I know it sound stupid, but I just can't see myself going and saying look at me, poor me.&nbsp; The issues I had with my parents, I've move on.&nbsp; I have forgave and let things go.&nbsp; I have finally gotten to a point where I like myself, but without those experiences I wouldn't be who I am.&nbsp; So how can I go and say &quot;I'm good, I'm ok, but poor me&quot;.&nbsp; I know this doesn't sound right, but I can't seem to get past that part.&nbsp; I do not like being the center of attention.&nbsp; I do not like people have sympathy for me.&nbsp; Like I have said before, the people on this blog probably know more about me then people I have known for years.&nbsp; I can't stand to see &quot;that look&quot; on someones face when it pertains to me.&nbsp; http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/Colitas/16883/#c_160289 http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/Colitas/16883/#c_160289 gube...wow, you hit many things on the head.&nbsp; Kind of scary.&nbsp; I have been told since my 20's to try Al-anon.&nbsp; I just don't know how to take that first step.&nbsp; I mean I know it sound stupid, but I just can't see myself going and saying look at me, poor me.&nbsp; The issues I had with my parents, I've move on.&nbsp; I have forgave and let things go.&nbsp; I have finally gotten to a point where I like myself, but without those experiences I wouldn't be who I am.&nbsp; So how can I go and say &quot;I'm good, I'm ok, but poor me&quot;.&nbsp; I know this doesn't sound right, but I can't seem to get past that part.&nbsp; I do not like being the center of attention.&nbsp; I do not like people have sympathy for me.&nbsp; Like I have said before, the people on this blog probably know more about me then people I have known for years.&nbsp; I can't stand to see &quot;that look&quot; on someones face when it pertains to me.&nbsp; <p>Colitas, thanks for the clarification and sorry for the initial offense. </p> <p>To answer your questions, You're not hypocritical,&nbsp;you're not&nbsp;being paranoid and you're not&nbsp;being a bitch. You're being a good mommy and a responsible parent. You ask &quot;...it's ok for me to do it sometimes, but not him?&quot; He's not doing what you do. You only have one and you don't do it in front of the kids. He's doing the exact opposite. He needs to man up! Again, I'd say counseling. Sometimes we Neanderthals need a third party observer to make us see the light.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"><o:p>Perhaps BigPooch is available?&nbsp; :)</o:p></span></p> http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/Colitas/16883/#c_160292 http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/Colitas/16883/#c_160292 <p>Colitas, thanks for the clarification and sorry for the initial offense. </p> <p>To answer your questions, You're not hypocritical,&nbsp;you're not&nbsp;being paranoid and you're not&nbsp;being a bitch. You're being a good mommy and a responsible parent. You ask &quot;...it's ok for me to do it sometimes, but not him?&quot; He's not doing what you do. You only have one and you don't do it in front of the kids. He's doing the exact opposite. He needs to man up! Again, I'd say counseling. Sometimes we Neanderthals need a third party observer to make us see the light.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"><o:p>Perhaps BigPooch is available?&nbsp; :)</o:p></span></p> <p><em>Hi Colitas, you're a good mom.&nbsp; I don't think you will allow your children to be in a bad situation with dad.&nbsp; You may just have to keep on having a good eye on the situation.&nbsp; My mom would allow my dad to take us places, to the park, up to the mountains, and it never failed, he drank.&nbsp; He got so drunk he passed out on us when we were little and we had to walk down the mountain to find a phone.&nbsp; I grew up very resourceful.&nbsp; I also grew up knowing how to study people's faces for signs of &quot;things not being quite right&quot;.&nbsp; Not much of a childhood as you well know.&nbsp; </em></p> <p><em>You really do need to take care of yourself and your boys and if that means making some changes,&nbsp;do it.&nbsp; Start slowly by making a plan, and then work towards that plan.&nbsp;&nbsp;If things don't look as if they are going to work out you can then make a decision.&nbsp; If you are like me...... you have to make changes slowly.&nbsp; Sudden change is not a part of my comfort level.&nbsp; As always, I consider you my little cyber buddy, and you know how to reach me if you need me.</em></p> http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/Colitas/16883/#c_160293 http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/Colitas/16883/#c_160293 <p><em>Hi Colitas, you're a good mom.&nbsp; I don't think you will allow your children to be in a bad situation with dad.&nbsp; You may just have to keep on having a good eye on the situation.&nbsp; My mom would allow my dad to take us places, to the park, up to the mountains, and it never failed, he drank.&nbsp; He got so drunk he passed out on us when we were little and we had to walk down the mountain to find a phone.&nbsp; I grew up very resourceful.&nbsp; I also grew up knowing how to study people's faces for signs of &quot;things not being quite right&quot;.&nbsp; Not much of a childhood as you well know.&nbsp; </em></p> <p><em>You really do need to take care of yourself and your boys and if that means making some changes,&nbsp;do it.&nbsp; Start slowly by making a plan, and then work towards that plan.&nbsp;&nbsp;If things don't look as if they are going to work out you can then make a decision.&nbsp; If you are like me...... you have to make changes slowly.&nbsp; Sudden change is not a part of my comfort level.&nbsp; As always, I consider you my little cyber buddy, and you know how to reach me if you need me.</em></p> <p><em>What the hell, BIG POOCH!!!&nbsp; Are you offering my Big dog to Colitas?&nbsp; Well, first of all, believe me......I have offered my rings to several women and they seem to run the other way.&nbsp; ANYWAY.......!!!!</em></p> <p><em>Colitas, have you checked on line for groups.&nbsp; They have them.&nbsp; I&nbsp;can't bring myself to&nbsp;go to al anon either.&nbsp; I don't do well spilling my guts face to face in a group of people.&nbsp; </em></p> http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/Colitas/16883/#c_160297 http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/Colitas/16883/#c_160297 <p><em>What the hell, BIG POOCH!!!&nbsp; Are you offering my Big dog to Colitas?&nbsp; Well, first of all, believe me......I have offered my rings to several women and they seem to run the other way.&nbsp; ANYWAY.......!!!!</em></p> <p><em>Colitas, have you checked on line for groups.&nbsp; They have them.&nbsp; I&nbsp;can't bring myself to&nbsp;go to al anon either.&nbsp; I don't do well spilling my guts face to face in a group of people.&nbsp; </em></p> No, I haven't checked on line....maybe that's a good start.  Thanks.  And oilfield, thank you for your "man up".  Sometimes I have to look at things twice to see what is really there and I am glad I didn't go on my first instinct with your comment..haha.  As "big pooch" goes, I just think he might have been alike in some ways to my husband.  So his third party advice will probably be more "real".  You can't get rid of him that easy Olivia, he's all yours....lol.  http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/Colitas/16883/#c_160299 http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/Colitas/16883/#c_160299 No, I haven't checked on line....maybe that's a good start.  Thanks.  And oilfield, thank you for your "man up".  Sometimes I have to look at things twice to see what is really there and I am glad I didn't go on my first instinct with your comment..haha.  As "big pooch" goes, I just think he might have been alike in some ways to my husband.  So his third party advice will probably be more "real".  You can't get rid of him that easy Olivia, he's all yours....lol.  <p>LOL! </p> <p>No ma'am. I wasn't offering him. Just suggesting that he might make Mr. Colitas see the light......as he so graciously made me see it :)</p> http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/Colitas/16883/#c_160302 http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/Colitas/16883/#c_160302 <p>LOL! </p> <p>No ma'am. I wasn't offering him. Just suggesting that he might make Mr. Colitas see the light......as he so graciously made me see it :)</p> <p><strong><font size="3">oilfieldtrash we have a lot in common. You told my story. In fact my wife read your story and said to me that's you. Your story hit home with me.</font></strong></p> http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/Colitas/16883/#c_160311 http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/Colitas/16883/#c_160311 <p><strong><font size="3">oilfieldtrash we have a lot in common. You told my story. In fact my wife read your story and said to me that's you. Your story hit home with me.</font></strong></p> <p><em>Ok, something needs to be said, and I'm not sure I''ve mentioned it to you before BIGDOG.&nbsp; So I'm going to say it publicly.&nbsp; That hideous picture needs to go....it grosses me out....I wake up in the morning for my relaxing time to read and comment.&nbsp; And you with that God awful picture are everywhere.&nbsp; A friend at work thought you were a llama.</em></p> http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/Colitas/16883/#c_160338 http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/Colitas/16883/#c_160338 <p><em>Ok, something needs to be said, and I'm not sure I''ve mentioned it to you before BIGDOG.&nbsp; So I'm going to say it publicly.&nbsp; That hideous picture needs to go....it grosses me out....I wake up in the morning for my relaxing time to read and comment.&nbsp; And you with that God awful picture are everywhere.&nbsp; A friend at work thought you were a llama.</em></p> Hey,that's insulting to Llamas everywhere!I think it looks like an alien. http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/Colitas/16883/#c_160475 http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/Colitas/16883/#c_160475 Hey,that's insulting to Llamas everywhere!I think it looks like an alien. <strong><font size="3">Well does anyone like my profile picture ?</font></strong> http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/Colitas/16883/#c_160544 http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/Colitas/16883/#c_160544 <strong><font size="3">Well does anyone like my profile picture ?</font></strong> Yep! a first I thought it was a picture of you, Bigdog, with a cute new haircut but I realized your ears are different--larger than the llamas or kangaroo or what ever else that alien creature is! http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/Colitas/16883/#c_160547 http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/Colitas/16883/#c_160547 Yep! a first I thought it was a picture of you, Bigdog, with a cute new haircut but I realized your ears are different--larger than the llamas or kangaroo or what ever else that alien creature is! Ewww! http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/Colitas/16883/#c_160734 http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/Colitas/16883/#c_160734 Ewww!