http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/Joty/25674 May is almost here, and with it comes Mothers' Day. Though Mothers' Day has been around for centuries, it was in 1914 that Woodrow Wilson signed the Joint Resolution to establish an "official" Mothers' Day, the second Sunday in May, here in America. A single white carnation was usually the token. Then greeting card companies and florists took over and turned it into Spend Lots O' Money To Show Mom You Love Her Day. From Easter to Mothers' Day I think about my mom a lot. Easter was her middle name, Easter 1994 was the day she placed a neat pile of throw rugs on her kitchen floor, lay down on them and put a bullet through her heart. Part of me understands why she did that, part of me is still so very angry that she did that, and the missing her never goes away. We didn't always have the best relationship, arguements and disagreements were as many as the good times. I could speak ill of her, no one else could including my three brothers. She was funny, charming, artistic - and a pain in my arse. She had the greatest loudest laugh. She made me chocolate toast. For years she got up each morning and made biscuits by hand for breakfast - there was always one special one each for me and my younger brother. She instilled in me a love of books and nature. She cost me a much wanted job at the then Grauman's Chinese Theater. I worried her sick when I ran away from home to join the hippy movement to San Francisco (I made it as far as Hollywood, the cops arrested me and returned me home as I was a minor). I wish I had written down all her recipes, her childhood stories. She was beautiful, but saw herself as ugly, especially as she began to age. She developed a brain tumor when I was pregnant with my second child. The surgeon was a butcher - turns out it was his first operation - and she was never the same. Depression set in, she isolated herself. She divorced my step-father who was so wonderful to her to live alone. We tried to get her help for her physical ailments, never realizing we needed to help her mental one. When her PCP told her she was an old woman and would have to live with her health problems, she spiraled completely to the bottom of despair. Though I never saw her cry - a single tear rolled down her cheek the day I told her I was moving to Las Vegas. The phone call from my brother is forever etched in my mind. All I could do was scream. We didn't get to say good-bye, we didn't get to tell her we loved her one last time. I told her often though, every time we spoke. I am so sad that she missed out on the births of the younger of the great-grandchildren, and sad that these kids never got to experience "Granny". Her death wasn't in vain. My two uncles who had been feuding for years shook hands and spoke at her funeral. My children's step-mother wrote me a beautiful letter to make amends as we'd been on the outs for a while. And my father, never verbose or good at showing emotion, from the day my mother died never failed to say "I love you" each time we spoke - same with my two older brothers. There are still moments when I think - "I need to call mom and tell her this." I do talk to her, I hope she hears me... So I guess my message is if you're lucky enough to still have your mom around, let her know just how lucky you are, and that you love her. Call her...the sound of your voice is 1000x better than flowers or a card! May is almost here, and with it comes Mothers' Day. Though Mothers' Day has been around for centuries, it was in 1914 that Woodrow Wilson signed the Joint Resolution to establish an "official" Mothers' Day, the second Sunday in May, here in America. A single white carnation was usually the token. Then greeting card companies and florists took over and turned it into Spend Lots O' Money To Show Mom You Love Her Day. From Easter to Mothers' Day I think about my mom a lot. Easter was her middle name, Easter 1994 was the day she placed a neat pile of throw rugs on her kitchen floor, lay down on them and put a bullet through her heart. Part of me understands why she did that, part of me is still so very angry that she did that, and the missing her never goes away. We didn't always have the best relationship, arguements and disagreements were as many as the good times. I could speak ill of her, no one else could including my three brothers. She was funny, charming, artistic - and a pain in my arse. She had the greatest loudest laugh. She made me chocolate toast. For years she got up each morning and made biscuits by hand for breakfast - there was always one special one each for me and my younger brother. She instilled in me a love of books and nature. She cost me a much wanted job at the then Grauman's Chinese Theater. I worried her sick when I ran away from home to join the hippy movement to San Francisco (I made it as far as Hollywood, the cops arrested me and returned me home as I was a minor). I wish I had written down all her recipes, her childhood stories. She was beautiful, but saw herself as ugly, especially as she began to age. She developed a brain tumor when I was pregnant with my second child. The surgeon was a butcher - turns out it was his first operation - and she was never the same. Depression set in, she isolated herself. She divorced my step-father who was so wonderful to her to live alone. We tried to get her help for her physical ailments, never realizing we needed to help her mental one. When her PCP told her she was an old woman and would have to live with her health problems, she spiraled completely to the bottom of despair. Though I never saw her cry - a single tear rolled down her cheek the day I told her I was moving to Las Vegas. The phone call from my brother is forever etched in my mind. All I could do was scream. We didn't get to say good-bye, we didn't get to tell her we loved her one last time. I told her often though, every time we spoke. I am so sad that she missed out on the births of the younger of the great-grandchildren, and sad that these kids never got to experience "Granny". Her death wasn't in vain. My two uncles who had been feuding for years shook hands and spoke at her funeral. My children's step-mother wrote me a beautiful letter to make amends as we'd been on the outs for a while. And my father, never verbose or good at showing emotion, from the day my mother died never failed to say "I love you" each time we spoke - same with my two older brothers. There are still moments when I think - "I need to call mom and tell her this." I do talk to her, I hope she hears me... So I guess my message is if you're lucky enough to still have your mom around, let her know just how lucky you are, and that you love her. Call her...the sound of your voice is 1000x better than flowers or a card! en-us Wow, Joty, what a powerful message.  I'm going to call my my when I get home tonight.  Thank you for sharing your story. http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/Joty/25674/#c_230688 http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/Joty/25674/#c_230688 Wow, Joty, what a powerful message.  I'm going to call my my when I get home tonight.  Thank you for sharing your story. Joty, that was a fantastic post!  It's very interesting to think about the mother-daughter dynamic.  I find that as I grow older, I appreciate my mom more and more (especially because I was always a "daddy's girl" when I was young).  I suppose it's mostly about the shared experiences, but I also learn new things about her all the time.  My mom so rarely talks about her past that my sisters and I are constantly finding out about all sorts of crazy experiences she has had.  And just when I think she's going to react one way, she does something totally different.  She's bonkers and I love her for it. http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/Joty/25674/#c_230788 http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/Joty/25674/#c_230788 Joty, that was a fantastic post!  It's very interesting to think about the mother-daughter dynamic.  I find that as I grow older, I appreciate my mom more and more (especially because I was always a "daddy's girl" when I was young).  I suppose it's mostly about the shared experiences, but I also learn new things about her all the time.  My mom so rarely talks about her past that my sisters and I are constantly finding out about all sorts of crazy experiences she has had.  And just when I think she's going to react one way, she does something totally different.  She's bonkers and I love her for it. Joty-I'm so sorry.Thanks for posting that, though you made me get a bit teary-eyed!I miss my mom too and sometimes also think to call and talk and then realize that I can't.Mine is still alive,but due to health issues,isn't really there anymore.She sort of drifted away in bits and pieces and I never said good-bye and now it's both too late and too early to do that.We were opposites and weren't always close,but she was there for me and helped me and was a great grandmother in her day and my kids miss her too.Sadly enough,sometimes missing her is easier than seeing her as she now is. http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/Joty/25674/#c_230811 http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/Joty/25674/#c_230811 Joty-I'm so sorry.Thanks for posting that, though you made me get a bit teary-eyed!I miss my mom too and sometimes also think to call and talk and then realize that I can't.Mine is still alive,but due to health issues,isn't really there anymore.She sort of drifted away in bits and pieces and I never said good-bye and now it's both too late and too early to do that.We were opposites and weren't always close,but she was there for me and helped me and was a great grandmother in her day and my kids miss her too.Sadly enough,sometimes missing her is easier than seeing her as she now is. My Mom died 7 months ago then my Grandma died 6 weeks after her and I miss those two so very much. If I could turn back the clock there is so much I would say and do for them, but mostly I would hold them and tell them how much I love them. I feel blessed that I was there when my Mom took her last breathe and I was able to see my Grandma the day she died and tell her how much I love her. I wanted to be there for them in their last moment like they were always there for me. Without the two of them being there for  me and supporting me I don't know where I would be now. My Mom and Grandma were two of the most stubborn, strong women I have ever known, and they were both fighters! I have been blessed to obtain those traits from them, Sometimes it is convient and other times not so much!! And Joty is right call your Mom to just chat with her and cherish every moment you have because things can change in a blink of an eye. http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/Joty/25674/#c_230854 http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/Joty/25674/#c_230854 My Mom died 7 months ago then my Grandma died 6 weeks after her and I miss those two so very much. If I could turn back the clock there is so much I would say and do for them, but mostly I would hold them and tell them how much I love them. I feel blessed that I was there when my Mom took her last breathe and I was able to see my Grandma the day she died and tell her how much I love her. I wanted to be there for them in their last moment like they were always there for me. Without the two of them being there for  me and supporting me I don't know where I would be now. My Mom and Grandma were two of the most stubborn, strong women I have ever known, and they were both fighters! I have been blessed to obtain those traits from them, Sometimes it is convient and other times not so much!! And Joty is right call your Mom to just chat with her and cherish every moment you have because things can change in a blink of an eye. The best lesson I got from my mom that I forgot to mention is that in our "rocky" relationship, I learned what not to do in my relationship with my own daughter. Not that we don't have our disagreements - mostly about the grandkids, lol - but we are close, closer than I ever was to my mom and for that I am forever grateful. My daughter was not the problem teenager I was because I remembered to not parent the way my mom did. My mom did what she did out of love, and with what she knew; her own mother (I never knew my maternal g'ma) was not much of a hands on mom. It wasn't always easy to allow my daughter to be her own person, but I remembered that lesson learned. Thanks Susie, I hope you had a good conversation with your mom! Ginger, my paternal Grandmother disappeared into her own mind before she died, I understand what it must be like with your mother. Madkow - love the new picture!!! Can he get any cuter? I know what you mean, I didn't really appreciate my mom until after I had my first kid (my own daughter). Then most of it began to make sense... eek, your pain - a double dose - is still very fresh...I hope in time it will ease for you. http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/Joty/25674/#c_231186 http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/Joty/25674/#c_231186 The best lesson I got from my mom that I forgot to mention is that in our "rocky" relationship, I learned what not to do in my relationship with my own daughter. Not that we don't have our disagreements - mostly about the grandkids, lol - but we are close, closer than I ever was to my mom and for that I am forever grateful. My daughter was not the problem teenager I was because I remembered to not parent the way my mom did. My mom did what she did out of love, and with what she knew; her own mother (I never knew my maternal g'ma) was not much of a hands on mom. It wasn't always easy to allow my daughter to be her own person, but I remembered that lesson learned. Thanks Susie, I hope you had a good conversation with your mom! Ginger, my paternal Grandmother disappeared into her own mind before she died, I understand what it must be like with your mother. Madkow - love the new picture!!! Can he get any cuter? I know what you mean, I didn't really appreciate my mom until after I had my first kid (my own daughter). Then most of it began to make sense... eek, your pain - a double dose - is still very fresh...I hope in time it will ease for you. Dealing with my Families losses has been very difficult, but we are all hanging in there and as each day passes it gets a little easier. Just after my Grandma died, about 6 weeks my Step-Grandfather died from kidney failure and a broken heart. The pain sometimes is unbearable but I am a staying strong for my kid's,husband,and brother, I have to be the strong one. http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/Joty/25674/#c_231540 http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/Joty/25674/#c_231540 Dealing with my Families losses has been very difficult, but we are all hanging in there and as each day passes it gets a little easier. Just after my Grandma died, about 6 weeks my Step-Grandfather died from kidney failure and a broken heart. The pain sometimes is unbearable but I am a staying strong for my kid's,husband,and brother, I have to be the strong one.