http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/countygirl/15961 &nbsp;I got this in an email and thought I'd share! Now how many actually apply to you? lol Enjoy! &nbsp; SUMMARY OF MY LAST YEAR ON THE COMPUTER I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing. Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason. I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time. I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program. I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish. I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers. I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day. Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to&nbsp;ten of my friends and make a wish within five minutes and if not, I don't believe in God. &nbsp; Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains. I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas. I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put &quot;Under God&quot; on their cans . I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer. And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me for life. I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS. I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me. I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise. I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army. I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda, Singapore , and Uzbekistan. I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe. Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt. And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 I dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg. I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies! If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician... Have a wonderful day.... Oh, by the way.....A South American scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse. Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late &nbsp;I got this in an email and thought I'd share! Now how many actually apply to you? lol Enjoy! &nbsp; SUMMARY OF MY LAST YEAR ON THE COMPUTER I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing. Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason. I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time. I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program. I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish. I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers. I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day. Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to&nbsp;ten of my friends and make a wish within five minutes and if not, I don't believe in God. &nbsp; Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains. I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas. I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put &quot;Under God&quot; on their cans . I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer. And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me for life. I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS. I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me. I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise. I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army. I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda, Singapore , and Uzbekistan. I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe. Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt. And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 I dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg. I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies! If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician... Have a wonderful day.... Oh, by the way.....A South American scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse. Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late en-us Haha!&nbsp; That was great!&nbsp; I think I've gotten all of those.&nbsp; But just the other day I did get an email warning me about lead in lipstick....&nbsp; guess I had better throw all of mine out...&nbsp; Oh, but the water in the microwave thing is true if it's distilled water and you put something in it when it's still hot (I saw it on Mythbusters so it <em>must</em> be true) LOL! http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/countygirl/15961/#c_151306 http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/countygirl/15961/#c_151306 Haha!&nbsp; That was great!&nbsp; I think I've gotten all of those.&nbsp; But just the other day I did get an email warning me about lead in lipstick....&nbsp; guess I had better throw all of mine out...&nbsp; Oh, but the water in the microwave thing is true if it's distilled water and you put something in it when it's still hot (I saw it on Mythbusters so it <em>must</em> be true) LOL! <font face="Verdana">countygirl, that was good and doggone funny.&nbsp;(LM doggone AO)&nbsp; I'm sure you probably&nbsp;have heard of <a href="http://www.snopes.com">www.snopes.com</a>. I went there when my daughter claimed that chocolate was not poison to dogs.</font>&nbsp; http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/countygirl/15961/#c_151351 http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/countygirl/15961/#c_151351 <font face="Verdana">countygirl, that was good and doggone funny.&nbsp;(LM doggone AO)&nbsp; I'm sure you probably&nbsp;have heard of <a href="http://www.snopes.com">www.snopes.com</a>. I went there when my daughter claimed that chocolate was not poison to dogs.</font>&nbsp; <p><font face="Comic Sans MS" size="3">I'd forgotten what a dangerous world we live in! lol  Glad you had a great time on your vacation.</font></p> <p><font face="Comic Sans MS" size="3">T ;-))</font></p> http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/countygirl/15961/#c_151385 http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/countygirl/15961/#c_151385 <p><font face="Comic Sans MS" size="3">I'd forgotten what a dangerous world we live in! lol  Glad you had a great time on your vacation.</font></p> <p><font face="Comic Sans MS" size="3">T ;-))</font></p> I commend you for putting that all together. I consider it a labor of love on&nbsp; your part, especially keeping a sense of humor. http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/countygirl/15961/#c_151445 http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/countygirl/15961/#c_151445 I commend you for putting that all together. I consider it a labor of love on&nbsp; your part, especially keeping a sense of humor. <strong><font size="3">countygirl thats some good stuff and yes I did have my hand on the mouse.</font></strong> http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/countygirl/15961/#c_151453 http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/countygirl/15961/#c_151453 <strong><font size="3">countygirl thats some good stuff and yes I did have my hand on the mouse.</font></strong>