http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/matokanji/29441 So, I let a few days go by and I went back and read it all again. I was harsh towards you and I should not have been. As the joke that you stated was not directed at me and it was meant as just that; a joke. I do hope you understand that I normally have skin of steel but, when it comes to that issue of racism towards my people, I act out before I actually take it all in. Growing up for me was difficult. I use to get beat up by the Indian kids because I was half Caucasian and the Caucasian kids would beat me up for being half Indian. As far as the &quot;two dogs f***ing&quot; joke, I have been called that at least 10 times in my life (as in, &quot;oh, your Indian?! Is your name two dogs f***ing?!&quot;). I had to deal with a lot of racism back on our reservation, actually just off our reservation. My friends would have me go to the general store off the rez to buy soda pop because I looked the most &quot;white&quot; and the owner would not sell to Indians. It was embarrassing. I have heard and been called more Indian racial slurs then you have probably ever heard (chief, blanket a**, prairie ni**er, tonto, redskin, breed, and wagon burner. Just to name a few.). I can still remember when I was in grade school in Ca. (my father did not want us going to school on the rez) and Thanksgiving came around. My teacher had me stand in front of the class so they could see a real Indian. She asked me to speak my language and dance for the class. I was 9 years old and I did what I was told. I walked home alone and I felt ashamed to be Indian. I told my father that I wish I was just &quot;white&quot;. When I went back to school the teacher had me be a &quot;consultant&quot; on all the paper headdresses that the other children were making. At that time in my life, I so wanted to be someone else. When I got older, I out grew them all and soon the beatings stopped. As a young man, I was very involved in Native American rights and to say that I had a bad attitude would be an understatement. Now I have learned to deal with all the remarks that I hear, well, for the most part. I have come to accept what I am. What I am is a man. As a man, I know when I am wrong and when I am right. I do apologize to you joty. I know that your comment was not directed at me. It just took me awhile to get there. So, I let a few days go by and I went back and read it all again. I was harsh towards you and I should not have been. As the joke that you stated was not directed at me and it was meant as just that; a joke. I do hope you understand that I normally have skin of steel but, when it comes to that issue of racism towards my people, I act out before I actually take it all in. Growing up for me was difficult. I use to get beat up by the Indian kids because I was half Caucasian and the Caucasian kids would beat me up for being half Indian. As far as the &quot;two dogs f***ing&quot; joke, I have been called that at least 10 times in my life (as in, &quot;oh, your Indian?! Is your name two dogs f***ing?!&quot;). I had to deal with a lot of racism back on our reservation, actually just off our reservation. My friends would have me go to the general store off the rez to buy soda pop because I looked the most &quot;white&quot; and the owner would not sell to Indians. It was embarrassing. I have heard and been called more Indian racial slurs then you have probably ever heard (chief, blanket a**, prairie ni**er, tonto, redskin, breed, and wagon burner. Just to name a few.). I can still remember when I was in grade school in Ca. (my father did not want us going to school on the rez) and Thanksgiving came around. My teacher had me stand in front of the class so they could see a real Indian. She asked me to speak my language and dance for the class. I was 9 years old and I did what I was told. I walked home alone and I felt ashamed to be Indian. I told my father that I wish I was just &quot;white&quot;. When I went back to school the teacher had me be a &quot;consultant&quot; on all the paper headdresses that the other children were making. At that time in my life, I so wanted to be someone else. When I got older, I out grew them all and soon the beatings stopped. As a young man, I was very involved in Native American rights and to say that I had a bad attitude would be an understatement. Now I have learned to deal with all the remarks that I hear, well, for the most part. I have come to accept what I am. What I am is a man. As a man, I know when I am wrong and when I am right. I do apologize to you joty. I know that your comment was not directed at me. It just took me awhile to get there. en-us <p>Just when we thought it was safe. Isn't that crazy what triggers those old haunts. It was an interesting few days. I hope you both feel a a bit better now, for a plethora of reasons. NOW, who's going to the &quot; meet &amp; greet &quot; ? Mamma Hilly-billy's&nbsp; (I liked that one ) here we come!! Hilly beans.</p> http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/matokanji/29441/#c_267617 http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/matokanji/29441/#c_267617 <p>Just when we thought it was safe. Isn't that crazy what triggers those old haunts. It was an interesting few days. I hope you both feel a a bit better now, for a plethora of reasons. NOW, who's going to the &quot; meet &amp; greet &quot; ? Mamma Hilly-billy's&nbsp; (I liked that one ) here we come!! Hilly beans.</p> <p><font color="#0000ff">I am glad everyone got a good laugh at Mamahillybilly...It is pretty funny... I am planning on coming tonite hope to see alot of bloggers there...</font> </p> http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/matokanji/29441/#c_267677 http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/matokanji/29441/#c_267677 <p><font color="#0000ff">I am glad everyone got a good laugh at Mamahillybilly...It is pretty funny... I am planning on coming tonite hope to see alot of bloggers there...</font> </p> <p>Mato...I'm very impressed with your ability to see where your feelings came from.&nbsp; Not all of us have that ability.&nbsp; However, we all seem to have the uncanny sense of bringing out feelings that we don't realize we are touching on.</p> <p>I grew up in Porterville, CA.&nbsp; That's where the Eagle Mountain Casino is located.&nbsp; My elementary school was the district school for the kids up on the Tule&nbsp;Reservation.&nbsp; This was back in the mid 60's.&nbsp; My memories of those times were that those kids seemed to come from a &quot;different place&quot;.&nbsp; I was always kind of afraid of the kids living on the reservation.&nbsp; I was very shy back then and quiet.&nbsp; I was never &quot;one of those kids&quot; that made fun of others.&nbsp; I'm sure that there were those that did though,&nbsp; So I can almost understand (almost) understand how you must have felt during those years.&nbsp; I too, remember, being quiet and shy, having&nbsp;kids say mean things to me and I just took it in and internalized it as a reflection on myself.</p> <p>Thank God, we&nbsp;no longer have to keep those feelings inside and can voice when someone has been &quot;seemingly: offensive or someone has inadvertently hurt your feelings.&nbsp; We don't have to keep it inside and have it gnaw at you.&nbsp;</p> <p>I'm glad that you came back and shared your feelings with us.&nbsp; I think most of us can relate to the feeling of inadequacy we felt&nbsp;when growing up, and I'm sure there will be some sharing on this subject.&nbsp; &nbsp;</p> http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/matokanji/29441/#c_267679 http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/matokanji/29441/#c_267679 <p>Mato...I'm very impressed with your ability to see where your feelings came from.&nbsp; Not all of us have that ability.&nbsp; However, we all seem to have the uncanny sense of bringing out feelings that we don't realize we are touching on.</p> <p>I grew up in Porterville, CA.&nbsp; That's where the Eagle Mountain Casino is located.&nbsp; My elementary school was the district school for the kids up on the Tule&nbsp;Reservation.&nbsp; This was back in the mid 60's.&nbsp; My memories of those times were that those kids seemed to come from a &quot;different place&quot;.&nbsp; I was always kind of afraid of the kids living on the reservation.&nbsp; I was very shy back then and quiet.&nbsp; I was never &quot;one of those kids&quot; that made fun of others.&nbsp; I'm sure that there were those that did though,&nbsp; So I can almost understand (almost) understand how you must have felt during those years.&nbsp; I too, remember, being quiet and shy, having&nbsp;kids say mean things to me and I just took it in and internalized it as a reflection on myself.</p> <p>Thank God, we&nbsp;no longer have to keep those feelings inside and can voice when someone has been &quot;seemingly: offensive or someone has inadvertently hurt your feelings.&nbsp; We don't have to keep it inside and have it gnaw at you.&nbsp;</p> <p>I'm glad that you came back and shared your feelings with us.&nbsp; I think most of us can relate to the feeling of inadequacy we felt&nbsp;when growing up, and I'm sure there will be some sharing on this subject.&nbsp; &nbsp;</p> <p>Matokanji... great post.   I know Joty and she is anything but racist, However, I do understand a little about how you feel.  I'm Caucasian, but my two nieces are half Mexican and with all the bigotry starting to form because of our need for immigration reform ... I worry for them.   I'm think the fact that Obama has come so far as to run for president this means the youth of the U.S. is finally changing the mind set of some of us older folks.  I have always been a tomboy, and I can't tell you how many people have called me a lesbian and made fun of the way I dress.  Well to heck everyone, I like everyone, I like lesbians too, so what do I care if they thought I was a lesbian...GREAT!!!  lol   It takes time to mentally free yourself from societies bigots...but once you do, nothing anyone says will hurt you ever again.  I love who I am and I am very proud of myself and who I have become.  Once I reached that point in my life, what ever anyone else said was simply laughable.  I still wear Levis and t-shirts and look like a tomboy...I guess that's just who I am. </p> <p>Don't feel bad about speaking up on Joty's post...this is how we fight bigotry.  Communication and bravery.  I'm sure when you meet Joty at the Meet and Greet at Mama's Hilly Beans you will both hug and laugh at this misunderstanding.  I for one have learned from it..... again great post.</p> <p>Storilori  I don't know who all is coming. I will at Hilly Beans around 5pm with Joty, Awsmom, and Oochild, I don't know what time Olivia and Bigdog will be there... hope we see ya there.   P.S.  Please do not beat up Gube, I promised him we wouldn't ... lol</p> <p>Matokanji...I hope to meet you as well, you seem like a very interesting person.</p> http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/matokanji/29441/#c_267680 http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/matokanji/29441/#c_267680 <p>Matokanji... great post.   I know Joty and she is anything but racist, However, I do understand a little about how you feel.  I'm Caucasian, but my two nieces are half Mexican and with all the bigotry starting to form because of our need for immigration reform ... I worry for them.   I'm think the fact that Obama has come so far as to run for president this means the youth of the U.S. is finally changing the mind set of some of us older folks.  I have always been a tomboy, and I can't tell you how many people have called me a lesbian and made fun of the way I dress.  Well to heck everyone, I like everyone, I like lesbians too, so what do I care if they thought I was a lesbian...GREAT!!!  lol   It takes time to mentally free yourself from societies bigots...but once you do, nothing anyone says will hurt you ever again.  I love who I am and I am very proud of myself and who I have become.  Once I reached that point in my life, what ever anyone else said was simply laughable.  I still wear Levis and t-shirts and look like a tomboy...I guess that's just who I am. </p> <p>Don't feel bad about speaking up on Joty's post...this is how we fight bigotry.  Communication and bravery.  I'm sure when you meet Joty at the Meet and Greet at Mama's Hilly Beans you will both hug and laugh at this misunderstanding.  I for one have learned from it..... again great post.</p> <p>Storilori  I don't know who all is coming. I will at Hilly Beans around 5pm with Joty, Awsmom, and Oochild, I don't know what time Olivia and Bigdog will be there... hope we see ya there.   P.S.  Please do not beat up Gube, I promised him we wouldn't ... lol</p> <p>Matokanji...I hope to meet you as well, you seem like a very interesting person.</p> <p>Again, like I have said many times and I'll say it again because it is worth repeating.&nbsp; It gets heated on here sometimes...we take things wrong.....we say&nbsp; things wrong....we hurt people, mostly not meaning too....but in the end, most of us come back and recognized our mistake or apologize.&nbsp; We all are opinionated at times or want to have a voice or just to vent....that is why we blog.&nbsp; Otherwise there wouldn't be one!</p> http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/matokanji/29441/#c_267695 http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/matokanji/29441/#c_267695 <p>Again, like I have said many times and I'll say it again because it is worth repeating.&nbsp; It gets heated on here sometimes...we take things wrong.....we say&nbsp; things wrong....we hurt people, mostly not meaning too....but in the end, most of us come back and recognized our mistake or apologize.&nbsp; We all are opinionated at times or want to have a voice or just to vent....that is why we blog.&nbsp; Otherwise there wouldn't be one!</p> <p>Sparks, your lesbian comments remind me of a funny story.&nbsp; My best friend and I are very close.&nbsp; Been through hell and back a few time.&nbsp; Well, we use to work at a well known establishment there in Teh.&nbsp; In fact for awhile it was the only one.&nbsp; Anyhow, we were always together, spending the night at each others house, going out to the bars, shopping, eating, etc.&nbsp; Even at work it she had to stay late to finish something up, I would stay and help and vise verse.&nbsp; Being a small town and all and as we all have experience, the work place becomes even smaller, people use to &quot;wonder&quot; if we were lesbians.&nbsp; Now a little to their credit we had friends that were and hung out a lot.&nbsp; In fact one friend was married but realized/excepted &nbsp;who she really was and divorce her husband.&nbsp; Well, my best friend was engaged then married, I was involved with a man, that everyone at work knew, but people still said we were &quot;seeing&quot; each other.&nbsp; So after a year or so of this we said &quot;screw it&quot;, let them believe what they want.&nbsp; But we took it one step further.&nbsp; One night when we were out we pretend to kiss one another.&nbsp; I mean my own boyfriend at the time got all excited cause it looked so real.&nbsp; Well of course that got back to work before we even worked our next shift.&nbsp; So after that when the &quot;busy bodies&quot; would be around we would &quot;act&quot; all guilty, or just giggle or slap each others butts or whatever just to stir the pot.&nbsp; It was so fun.&nbsp; I still get questioned about her sometimes and it's been well over 10 years.&nbsp; Damn those were some good times!!</p> http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/matokanji/29441/#c_267707 http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/matokanji/29441/#c_267707 <p>Sparks, your lesbian comments remind me of a funny story.&nbsp; My best friend and I are very close.&nbsp; Been through hell and back a few time.&nbsp; Well, we use to work at a well known establishment there in Teh.&nbsp; In fact for awhile it was the only one.&nbsp; Anyhow, we were always together, spending the night at each others house, going out to the bars, shopping, eating, etc.&nbsp; Even at work it she had to stay late to finish something up, I would stay and help and vise verse.&nbsp; Being a small town and all and as we all have experience, the work place becomes even smaller, people use to &quot;wonder&quot; if we were lesbians.&nbsp; Now a little to their credit we had friends that were and hung out a lot.&nbsp; In fact one friend was married but realized/excepted &nbsp;who she really was and divorce her husband.&nbsp; Well, my best friend was engaged then married, I was involved with a man, that everyone at work knew, but people still said we were &quot;seeing&quot; each other.&nbsp; So after a year or so of this we said &quot;screw it&quot;, let them believe what they want.&nbsp; But we took it one step further.&nbsp; One night when we were out we pretend to kiss one another.&nbsp; I mean my own boyfriend at the time got all excited cause it looked so real.&nbsp; Well of course that got back to work before we even worked our next shift.&nbsp; So after that when the &quot;busy bodies&quot; would be around we would &quot;act&quot; all guilty, or just giggle or slap each others butts or whatever just to stir the pot.&nbsp; It was so fun.&nbsp; I still get questioned about her sometimes and it's been well over 10 years.&nbsp; Damn those were some good times!!</p> <p><span style="font-size: small">Mato - I sincerely appreciate your&nbsp;post and&nbsp;your apology - you really didn't have to. I respect the fact that you have a right to your feelings&nbsp;even though I really did not mean to come across as insensitive. While you did not hurt my feelings, I <i><b>was</b></i> taken aback because I am the&nbsp;furthest thing from being racist. I <i><b>do</b></i> understand where you were coming&nbsp;from and I hate knowing what you suffered at the hands&nbsp;(and mouths) of stupid idiots - especially a teacher! I have my prejudices of course, but race isn't one of them. My family too is a mixed bag (my aunt for instance, how many times I've heard someone refer to her as &quot;squaw&quot; - I&nbsp;despise that word). You have given me something to think about though...and I will think before I post.</span></p> <p><span style="font-size: small">I am pretty thick-skinned and I hold no grudges. So it's all in the past for me, and I'd love a fresh start!</span></p> <p><i><b><span style="font-size: small">Thank you again, </span></b></i><span style="font-size: small">Mato, it takes a big person to stand up like that publicly. I hope to meet you tonight, or if not tonight, maybe on the 4th.</span></p> http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/matokanji/29441/#c_267841 http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/matokanji/29441/#c_267841 <p><span style="font-size: small">Mato - I sincerely appreciate your&nbsp;post and&nbsp;your apology - you really didn't have to. I respect the fact that you have a right to your feelings&nbsp;even though I really did not mean to come across as insensitive. While you did not hurt my feelings, I <i><b>was</b></i> taken aback because I am the&nbsp;furthest thing from being racist. I <i><b>do</b></i> understand where you were coming&nbsp;from and I hate knowing what you suffered at the hands&nbsp;(and mouths) of stupid idiots - especially a teacher! I have my prejudices of course, but race isn't one of them. My family too is a mixed bag (my aunt for instance, how many times I've heard someone refer to her as &quot;squaw&quot; - I&nbsp;despise that word). You have given me something to think about though...and I will think before I post.</span></p> <p><span style="font-size: small">I am pretty thick-skinned and I hold no grudges. So it's all in the past for me, and I'd love a fresh start!</span></p> <p><i><b><span style="font-size: small">Thank you again, </span></b></i><span style="font-size: small">Mato, it takes a big person to stand up like that publicly. I hope to meet you tonight, or if not tonight, maybe on the 4th.</span></p> <p>Mato &amp; Olivia, are you talking about a res. around here? Did you know each other then? .</p> http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/matokanji/29441/#c_267912 http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/matokanji/29441/#c_267912 <p>Mato &amp; Olivia, are you talking about a res. around here? Did you know each other then? .</p> <p>Matokanji-That was an impressive apology,it says alot about you and your growth as a person.Some of my family went through similar and the pain and resentment is still there.I got a very watered down version,but still have often felt between-worlds.I went through&nbsp;a time when I learned about and was angry about NA issues too-now I just avoid it all because it drags up old feelings.We often don't have a chance to explain to people why it is that we react to things in a certain way,I'm glad that you took the opportunity to do so.</p> http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/matokanji/29441/#c_268587 http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/matokanji/29441/#c_268587 <p>Matokanji-That was an impressive apology,it says alot about you and your growth as a person.Some of my family went through similar and the pain and resentment is still there.I got a very watered down version,but still have often felt between-worlds.I went through&nbsp;a time when I learned about and was angry about NA issues too-now I just avoid it all because it drags up old feelings.We often don't have a chance to explain to people why it is that we react to things in a certain way,I'm glad that you took the opportunity to do so.</p> <p>Mato I went to Farmers Market tonight to meet you and sample your food...and you weren't there!&nbsp; Will you be there next week?</p> <p>Nice post Mato....</p> http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/matokanji/29441/#c_268838 http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/matokanji/29441/#c_268838 <p>Mato I went to Farmers Market tonight to meet you and sample your food...and you weren't there!&nbsp; Will you be there next week?</p> <p>Nice post Mato....</p> <p>I'm pretty sure he will be at the park tomorrow...&nbsp; seriously, one taco fills the entire plate!</p> <br /> http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/matokanji/29441/#c_268845 http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/matokanji/29441/#c_268845 <p>I'm pretty sure he will be at the park tomorrow...&nbsp; seriously, one taco fills the entire plate!</p> <br /> <p>And man are those tacos excellent!!!</p> <br /> http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/matokanji/29441/#c_268853 http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/matokanji/29441/#c_268853 <p>And man are those tacos excellent!!!</p> <br /> <p>Ok--I guess I will go to BVS in the am and then Tehachapi so I can try some of his food.&nbsp; Where will his booth be?&nbsp; Where should I look?</p> <br /> http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/matokanji/29441/#c_268859 http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/matokanji/29441/#c_268859 <p>Ok--I guess I will go to BVS in the am and then Tehachapi so I can try some of his food.&nbsp; Where will his booth be?&nbsp; Where should I look?</p> <br /> <p>where is mato? Seriously, he hasn't blogged since last night, didn't go to meet &amp; greet or F.M. I guess he wasn't there, I didn't see anyone, so what do&nbsp;I know.</p> http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/matokanji/29441/#c_268868 http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/matokanji/29441/#c_268868 <p>where is mato? Seriously, he hasn't blogged since last night, didn't go to meet &amp; greet or F.M. I guess he wasn't there, I didn't see anyone, so what do&nbsp;I know.</p> <p>He has a bright red booth.&nbsp; I'm not sure where he will be tomorrow, but when I stopped by a few weeks ago during the chili cook-off, he was on the west side of the park.</p> <br /> http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/matokanji/29441/#c_268870 http://www.tehachapinews.com/home/Blog/matokanji/29441/#c_268870 <p>He has a bright red booth.&nbsp; I'm not sure where he will be tomorrow, but when I stopped by a few weeks ago during the chili cook-off, he was on the west side of the park.</p> <br />