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I think in a lot of relationships, the partners just sort of fall into their roles.  I doubt it's even discussed in many cases.  Gender doesn't matter- I know some men that would make far better stay-at-home parents than the women in the relationship.  If one of the partners does stay at home, then it just makes sense that they would take care of the majority of the domestic responsibilities.  After all, they're in the "domestic" domain a lot more.  And generally, if one partner is working and handling all the "grown-up details" (I think it's laughable how you phrased that!), the other is taking care of of the children and the home (not so simple).  The lines become much more blurred when both partners are working- thus why working married mothers tend to do more work than their husbands, although it's getting much better now that men have figured out that housekeeping is work they should participate in. As for enforcing your expectations, you can't just punish your spouse. ...
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