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 I am not supposed to drink. Alcohol is toxic to my brain-meaning I am allergic to it. I started having black outs at age 14 from drinking and have never really stopped. I try not to have more than a glass or two of wine at night. Last night I took a chill pill and also drank too much. I can't bear the loss of my son and I just want to die at times. Thank God for my other son. He keeps me from truly doing this. I have heard that grieving is another word for self pity but that is not what I feel. I know that unless you have experienced Alcoholism you really don't understand the underlying reasons for it.. I am very honest with myself. I take blame for my actions.  
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