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Steve, a teenager, didn’t take out the garbage one day. When Jan noticed, she wondered if Dave would jump on Steve’s case. They had agreed that she would be the one to remind and discipline Steve, yet Jan thought Dave might let his short fuse get the best of him. But Dave never acted upset with Steve. Jan was grateful.That evening Jan asked Dave, “Were you upset that Steve didn’t take out the garbage?” Dave: “No, I wasn’t upset. I trusted you to handle it.” Jan leaned over, hugged Dave, and kissed his cheek: “Thanks for staying calm.”In a counseling session a week later, the subject of Dave’s anger came up. At one point Dave stated, “Jan thinks I’m upset with Steve even when I’m not. Like this weekend, when Steve didn’t take out the garbage, Jan thought I was angry with him, even though I wasn’t.”Jan disagreed, “I didn’t think you were angry. I asked you if you were...
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