Can anybody tell me how I lost five years?
Can anybody tell me how I lost five years?
By: Bill Mead
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Posted by editor Mon Oct 9, 2006 16:25:19 PDT
Viewed 602 times
0 responses 0 comments When I graduated from Cal Poly at San Luis Obispo 50 years ago, I had to pass up commencement because I had a job waiting for me in Bakersfield. Haste was called for because I also had a wife and two kids who had become accustomed to eating three times a day. Down to my last 30 bucks after taking my final exams, I lost no time in heading toward a paycheck. I didn't even stop to pay for a diploma.
If this omission takes your breath away, I remind you that a diploma is nothing but a wall decoration. Showing prospective employers a diploma won't cut it in most cases. They prefer to contact the school and get your transcript. Not having a diploma never was a problem for me in all the years I worked for other people and noted my bachelor of science degree on my application. Obviously, Cal Poly never told any of my former employers that I was an imposter.
Earlier this year my granddaughter, who is very thoughtful, decided that my Cal Poly diploma would be a fitting gift for me, even though I'm retired and have no earthly use for it. But when she called the school she was told they had no evidence I ever attended Cal Poly, let alone graduated from the institution.
This poses a mystery. Where was I between 1951 and 1956? My wife is no help in straightening this out. She is just as baffled as I am, especially because she comes from San Luis Obispo and insists that she remembers me going off to class day after day.
In that long-ago time, Cal Poly was the only all-men's college in the state system. This resulted in more than two thousand love-starved guys roaming the streets of San Luis Obispo which created a cornucopia of marriage opportunities for local girls. So many of my fellow students married townies, as they were called, that an unofficial honor was conferred on the newly – minted wives known as the PHT degree, which stood for Pushing Hubby Through.
My wife deserved the PHT award even more than most students' wives. She paid attention to my homework and visited the campus often enough to know I was hanging out there for some reason. When she says I went to Cal Poly you can take that to the bank, although her recollections probably won't sway the records office at the university where nothing can go wrong…go wrong…go wrong….
I'm not as anxious to get a Cal Poly diploma as my granddaughter thinks I am. I dropped the alma mater baloney a few years ago when the Cal Poly administration knuckled under to teachers who demanded the right to view pornographic sites on university-owned computers during school hours. When I was a student there we could get expelled for having beer on our breath. I can't imagine what they would have done if we had gotten caught with dirty pictures.
Besides, if Nikki is going to spend money on a diploma for me, I would like one from Harvard awarding me a doctorate at the very least. These more – impressive diplomas are available to anyone on the Internet for little more than Cal Poly would charge for its diplomas. As I remember, there is a fine selection of prestigious diplomas for sale on www.fakediplomas.com. For a few dollars extra they will send a transcript making me an honor student in every subject. That's a better deal than I could ever get from Cal Poly, even if they find my lost records behind the cow barns.
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