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Posted by editor Mon Oct 23, 2006 11:44:32 PDT
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0 responses 0 comments Wisdom of the week: It is important to recognize the great human potential of each individual. If you can and want to help those in need, offer a hand...not a handout.

Dear C.C.: I need your help. Our daughter is grown and out of the house and married and my wife keeps sending her money. We don't have a lot of extra money and I've discussed it with her and said that I don't think we should be sending her money. The thing that disturbs me is that not only does she continue to send money but she does it on the sly and hopes I won't find out. What do I tell my wife so that this does not become a larger issue?

Dear Concerned: You have every reason to feel uncomfortable with your situation, and I would suspect there is more involved than just money. I would first ask if your wife has any interests of her own that she loves doing. I would suspect that she is still living through your daughter rather than focusing on her own life. This is a pattern of dependent behavior on your wife's part and one that many women are learning how to look at. Although an oversimplication, it basically allows your wife to maintain some sense of control over your daughter and, therefore, a reason to place her attention on her daughter rather than her own life.

This is usually not easy to understand or accept in the way of advice, because it requires that she take full control of her own happiness and pleasure. It is much easier for anyone to project their life with all its problems 'out there' ...an issue I feel much of the world is dealing with...or not dealing with. So I would suggest that you focus on encouraging your wife to reach out and, with your help, develop new interests, new friends, and a new sense of responsibility for her own life. It will add much to your relationship in so many ways.

Questions can be mailed to Country Wisdom, Tehachapi News at P.O. Box 1840, Tehachapi CA 93581, e-mailed to www.editorial@tehachapinews.com or dropped off at the Techachapi News Office, 411 North Mill St.

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