How to keep from getting Alzheimer's
How to keep from getting Alzheimer's
By: Bill Mead
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Posted by editor Tue Nov 30, 1999 00:00:00 PST
Viewed 631 times
0 responses 0 comments Fifteen years ago, when my doctor gave me a routine physical, he asked me how long ago I had my heart attack. I told him I had never had a heart attack. From then on the discussion got pretty heated because he kept insisting I had suffered a coronary and I knew better.
I figured the best way to shut him up was to get a second opinion. I went to a doctor in a distant city and asked for an EKG without mentioning the first doctor's conclusion. When that doctor finished he asked me how long ago I had my heart attack.
After going back to Doctor Number One with hat in hand, he sent me to a specialist to undergo angioplasty, the procedure that pokes a hole through the cholesterol residue in your arteries. While I was there, a 13-year-old dietition came to my room to tell me how to live a heart-healthy life. My wife said she was at least 18, but my eyes aren’t that bad. For some time afterward I followed this kid's advice to the letter, walking every day and never eating a decent meal.
The results were spectacular. I developed diabetes and had three of my coronary arteries plug up so completely they had to be ripped out and replaced. At that point I lost what little faith I had in rabbit feed and sore leg muscles.
My response since then has centered around eating and drinking the wrong stuff according to conventional wisdom. That’s not merely because conventional wisdom hasn’t worked for me. Mostly it’s a common sense strategy for avoiding Alzeimer’s Disease which was the root cause of my father’s miserable demise.
Even more worrisome, I’m now at the age he was when he got it. After researching tons of scientific guesswork about Alzheimer’s, it is clear to me that while theories abound, the only presently-available defense is to make sure you don’t live long enough to get it. I’m working hard toward that end.
First let’s talk about booze. Hundreds of websites devoted to prolonging your life, no matter how unworthy your life may become, cautions against drinking too much alcohol. Since “too much” is a relative term, I give this advice its most liberal interpretation. This not only improves my outlook but also provides me with an alibi in case I do show symptoms of Alzheimer’s. I can’t think of a better excuse than “I was drunk at the time.”
My food choices also are designed to thwart all the rules of healthy living. I like meat, especially the fat-marbled kind I buy at the Iowa Meat Farm in San Diego. My wife says I should warn you against this place if you believe all the baloney about cholesterol. She’s right. Please stay away from the Iowa Meat Farm at 6041 Mission Gorge Road, on the east side of the street with ample parking to the north. Never let it be said I led you astray.
To make matters worse, I’m on a first name basis with the guys at Omaha Steaks. They call me at least twice a month with tempting specials on the meat cuts I hope will keep me from living too long. The best thing about the Omaha Steaks gang is that once you put in an order they will never forsake you. Your kids can disown you, your wife can run off with your best friend, but these stalwarts from Nebraska will keep calling to make sure you enjoy dinner.
Now that I’ve given you my secret for sidestepping Alzheimer's, I hope the nursing home lobby won't come after me.
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