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Valentine’s Day basics for men
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Posted by editor Mon Feb 12, 2007 09:15:11 PST
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0 responses 0 comments Bonding is necessary for healthy, happy relationships. If we don't bond well with our partner, we will eventually be unhappy with each other and emotionally distant. Valentine’s Day is especially set up for couples to bond romantically. As a rule, romance speaks more to the hearts of women than to men. So Valentine’s Day is a big opportunity for men to bond with their partners. Here are some hints for men.
Women bond by sharing emotions, while men bond by doing activities together. If the man shows that he understands her feelings and responds positively to them, she will be more bonded to him.

The basics of Valentine’s Day are cards, flowers, gifts, and an evening out. The man’s goal is to handle each of these in a way sensitive to the woman’s feelings.
For most women, the man’s sensitivity and effort are more important than how much he spends on her. Sandy, a doctor’s wife, mentions to her husband that she would like to have a ruby ring. He tells her, sure, spend as much as you want and pick out something you really like. He thinks he is satisfying her by letting her have whatever she wants, but Sandy is disappointed. She wanted him to make an effort to buy something nice for her, and she made it quite easy for him by letting him know what she wanted. All he had to do was go pick out a ruby ring. But he wasn’t sensitive to her feelings, and he certainly didn’t show any effort.

Mark is unsure of what Linda wants, so he asks her. Linda tells him, “Get me a card and some cut flowers to put in a vase. If you want to get me a gift, keep it simple and non-fattening. Then, I want you to choose a nice restaurant for dinner. And I like it when you open the car door for me to get in and out; it’s romantic and special.” Mark writes this all down and puts it in his yearly calendar. Every year when Valentine’s Day comes around, Mark knows just what he needs to do, and Linda doesn’t have to feel disappointed.

Linda wants Mark to choose the restaurant and get her a gift without asking her what she prefers. Many women want the man to make such decisions, because if the man knows what the woman wants without asking her, he shows he is really in touch with her likes and dislikes. When it comes to restaurants, you should be able to make a good guess about where to take her on the basis of the food she likes and where she has enjoyed going in the past.

How do you tell the difference between dating couples and married couples in a restaurant? Gary Chapman, Ph.D. and author of The Five Love Languages, points out that dating couples look at each other and talk while most married couples silently look around the room and eat. The dating couples are clearly having a better time!

So when out with your partner, be with her; pay attention to her. Carry on light conversations. Be interested in what she’s interested in. Ask her questions about her day, the kids, etc. Or ask her about a Valentine’s Day she remembers from the past. When she was a kid, what did she make her parents for Valentine’s Day?
Buying a gift for the woman can be a challenge for men.

Try one of the following:
1. Make a list of what gifts she has liked in the past, and look for patterns in her likes and dislikes.
2. Ask her friend, her sister, or her mother what they think she would like from you. That’s not cheating; that is being sensitive to her, and, most of all, trying hard to get it right. Plus, most women you ask will love to help you out.
3. Go for the higher standard: for example, with flowers, it’s safe and classy on Valentine’s Day to go with red roses and candies, but the higher standard is good chocolates.
4. If you’re not comfortable with any of the above, then it’s okay to ask her what she likes when it comes to gifts, flowers, and cards. Make a note of what she tells you, so that next year you don’t have to ask her again.

Try these suggestions out, and see how they work. You might easily turn Valentine’s Day into a bonus for your relationship.

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