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Posted by editor Mon Apr 2, 2007 10:06:05 PDT
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0 responses 0 comments Wisdom of the Week: Try not to compare your life to that of others. We have no idea what their journey is all about. Keep in mind, always, that there is so much more to the truth than what we can see…now or ever.    

Dear C.C.: For the last 15 years I have done many things for my siblings: Love, caring, helping and giving emotionally and financially. When I was in need of help, they refused me. I even helped them to gain wealth. I asked for a very small sum compared to what they gained with my help. When I asked, “Do you think you are being fair as far as finances are concerned?” The reply was “probably not.” Their actions have broken my heart. Do you believe in the comment, “What goes around comes around?” The small amount I have asked for was just the amount that I lost by helping them to acquire a huge amount of money. 
—Hurting

Dear Hurting: Yes…absolutely! What we dish out always returns, though you may not be aware of when that happens.  And it may not always bring as much satisfaction as it might seem now. It is not, however, a simple issue. 
What is helpful for you to know is that by your continually doing for them and having given to them, they have learned to take and take…and that you don't need anything from them in return. I would venture to say that you could be, or are, the oldest and the most responsible and full of answers simply because of your birth position. Now that you have begun to care for yourself first, they are probably not comfortable relating to you, are angry for your not taking care of them, or don't want to acknowledge your help (or their past helplessness) by putting them first, and they are now experiencing those consequences. 

I congratulate you for changing your position and hope you will hold that position. As for your siblings, they will have consequences as they learn, as we all do, and it will eventually be to their advantage. We do train people how to treat us. And when we become aware of this, we can train them to treat us as how we want to be treated, rather than how we have been taught, or how we want to be seen, no matter how admirable our intentions. It is interesting to note that when we help young children, they do not understand that we do it out of love. They often feel, on some inner level, we do it because, as small children, they “aren't as good as we are” and that they “can't do it as well as we can.” They develop a feeling of inadequacy rather than appreciation which may be the case with your siblings.

I know this will not take away your present hurt. Only time can help heal such difficult feelings. I suggest that you not base your self-worth on how they have treated you. Please, be good to yourself. And I do hope you can enjoy your new life – one that is free of any obligations to your siblings. Don't put yourself down for what you've done. Pat yourself on the back for now stepping to the front of the line and ENJOY what lies ahead. 

Questions can be mailed to Country Wisdom, Tehachapi News at P.O. Box 1840, Tehachapi, CA 93581, e-mailed to editorial@tehachapinews.com , or dropped off at the Tehachapi News office, 411 North Mill Street, Tehachapi, CA 93561.

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