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Wisdom of the week — A ship in port is safe, but that's not what ships are built for. Grace Hooper
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Posted by editor Mon Sep 24, 2007 11:51:19 PDT
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0 responses 0 comments Dear C.C.:  What's the best way to help my husband understand me? I can't seem to get him to listen, I mean really hear what I'm saying?

Dear Wife: I find it becoming more clear as couples try to resolve their marital issues, that men aren't the only ones who don't listen. Men will often say, “She says I don't listen and the only thing she wants is to be heard, but she doesn't really listen to me.” So if you can, you might start out by really listening to him. There is a wonderful book by Dr. Warren Farrell, Women Can't Hear What Men Don't Say, that might be helpful to you to read along with several other excellent books identifying mens' conditioning, responsibilities, expectations of a marriage, and suggestions on how to change him without just getting him ready for the next woman.

In the not too distant past, research on media commercials identified that in female-male interactions, 100 percent of the time, the 'bad guy' was the man. So my suggestion is that you try not to buy into the anti-male bias and instead, model good listening habits. A novel approach would be to take a psychology course together. You can also try to find a way to bring more laughter and fun into your relationship….a really great way to strengthen the bond between you. It really isn't the bad times that destroy a marriage, but the lack of good times that keep a marriage strong.

Questions can be mailed to Country Wisdom, Tehachapi News at P.O. Box 1840, Tehachapi, CA 93581, e-mailed to editorial@tehachapinews.com , or dropped off at the Tehachapi News office, 411 North Mill Street, Tehachapi, CA 93561

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