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Get a Marriage Check-up
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Posted by editor Mon Oct 22, 2007 14:09:54 PDT
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0 responses 0 comments You have regular medical checkup, and you take in your car to have it checked out and the oil changed every 300. But do you ever check up on how your marriage is doing?

The general answer seems to be: not often enough. Researchers have found that the average couple waits six years before seeking help for marital problems. How many of us would wait six years to see a doctor to have some discomfort or pain checked out? Not many. Yet most of us are living with unhappiness for a very long time before seeking a professional “check-up” with a pastor or counselor.

Many people feel that counseling will not do any good, but in fact 80% of people who go to counseling report that it was helpful to them.

Take the quiz: Is There Enough Love and Respect in Your Marriage?

The following quiz, to be taken by you and your spouse, was developed by John Gottman and adapted by Mary Ellen Connett. Answer “yes” or “no” to each statement based on whether you mostly agree or disagree.

1. My spouse seeks out my opinions. 
2. My spouse cares about my feelings.
3. We are affectionate toward one another. 
4. We listen to each other. 
5. What I say counts.
6. I love spending time with my partner.
7. We are very good friends.
8. My spouse finds me physically attractive. 
9. I feel included in my partner's life.
10. We touch each other a lot.
11. We respect each other's ideas.
12. Even during tough times we can be empathetic.

Scoring: If you checked “yes” to fewer than 4 items, then you probably do not feel enough love and respect in your marriage. If so, you may want to seek a check up with a counselor or pastor. Counseling or relationship education can definitely improve marriages.

The Tehachapi Hospital will be hosting a low-cost, 4-week marriage enrichment workshop, for couples and individuals, led by myself, this November. The course will start on Nov. 1, and meet on Thursday evenings from 6:30 to 8:30 p.m. (except Thanksgiving). We will cover many basics of how to talk better with your partner, including why men don't talk about issues, how to stay calm in discussions, and how to assert yourself and not give in too easily. The course is limited to 30 persons. For more information or to enroll, please call Paul McWilliams at 823-0661, extension 224.

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