Country wisdom
Country wisdom
By: Carole Clark, Ph.D.
Description: Teenager searches for answers about relationships
Topics:
Posted by editor Tue Nov 30, 1999 00:00:00 PST
Viewed 793 times
0 responses 0 comments Wisdom of the week: “Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space lies our freedom and power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and freedom.”
— Victor Frankl
Man’s Search for Meaning
Man’s Search for Meaning
The following questions came form a 17 year old whom I greatly respect.
Dear C.C.: Why do people actually get married? Is it cuz guys are possessive or cuz girls want a sense of security in thinking that if they marry the guy he won’t cheat on her? Why can’t people just say that we love each other and that we are soul mates and it stay that way? Why does it have to be a legal document?
Dear Teen: Your question is multifaceted, to say the least. There are states that acknowledge common law marriage and no legal document is required. Marriage is seen by many, however, as a public commitment to a relationship. Friends and family commit as well to offer support and encouragement and love. It is a joyous celebration of one life’s major transitions.
Is it right to dislike someone for what they are now and still love them for what they used to be?
Absolutely. In a new relationship, we usually are at our best, but as the relationship evolves, as everything does, our imperfections show up. Basically, you are seeing behaviors and attitudes that are not to your liking though you still love the person for what you know is their greater self.
How is it that a relationship can either bring you to your highest point or it can drop you to your lowest point in a split second?
Love and hate are very similar. They are both very intense emotions. Although it happens to us all in varying degrees, as a teen you’re subject to more of the intense emotions simply because your hormones are plentiful and often pop up when you least want them to.
Feelings are powerful and can bring much richness to life. The power they have is the power you choose to give them. Try and enjoy the ride. Those experiences will be helpful as you mature, believe it or not.
Why do people care so much about the opinions of people they don’t even like? Shouldn’t you only care about the opinion of people you do like, such as family and close friends?
Yes, you are right again. We’ve been taught to be a particular person, or to behave in a certain manner. We’ve been bombarded with “shoulds” since birth. That is the side we try to offer others so we can feel good about ourselves.
Often we don’t have the energy or desire to pretend around those we really care about. We just want to be ourselves and want them to accept us as we are. However, we’re all in the process of learning how to be ourselves within a world that has given us a lot of mixed messages about what is right.
Finding your real self within the maze is a hard job, but the happiest you’ll ever be is by being you. So try to enjoy that wonderful person you were meant to be and will be. Your questions are insightful and show that you are already well on your way.
Questions can be mailed to Country Wisdom, Tehachapi News, P.O. Box 1840, Tehachapi CA 93581, e-mailed to editorial@tehachapinews.com or dropped of at the Tehachapi News office, located at 411 N. Mill St.
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