Tehachapi News

From an article I wrote in 1998:  No discussion of “going green” should exclude frogs. And for those who expressed gratitude for my bringing this up in the last issue of The American Poet, where else but in this publication would you find questions of such burning intensity addressed, questions which undoubtedly involve NASA cover-ups and government conspiracies leading to the omission of frogs from Columbia’s last mission? Who is responsible for not taking frogs (or lizards) into space? Fearless as I am, and not to be outdone by Rush Limbaugh, Extra, 20/20 or any others in fearlessness, I am committed to getting answers to such questions no matter where the chips may fall! In my righteous crusade to expose the kind of shameful and blatant discrimination perpetuated against frogs (or lizards), I intend to pursue this flagrant violation of the rights of frogs no matter where it may lead! And in total disregard, I might add, of threats to my own person! I will boldly go where no man has gone before in this holy crusade for justice for frogs (and lizards)!

    There are those who feel I am attaching too much importance to the subject of frogs, some naysayers who go so far as to disparage me and frogs, who say my attention to the subject is overweening and could be much better directed toward subjects of greater gravity. Such calumny and accusations are vile canards at best and, at worst, attempts to misdirect me from a subject not only dear to my heart but one that should be of consuming interest to all right-thinking individuals with a concern for justice. After all, what kind of world would it be without frogs? Just think about that one for a moment! And we cannot discount among my detractors those with FBI and CIA connections who would remove me from this noble effort, sensing as they do, the threat this poses to such interested parties in their own attempts to bamboozle and flim-flam the public.

    An excellent example of this is the fact that we hail the bald eagle no longer being on the endangered species list. We have spent vast amounts of money on saving this noble symbol of America. And it was right that we should have done so. But I have to ask myself, as I'm sure any thinking person would, why such interest in bald eagles and none for frogs? An obvious conspiracy more than suggests itself.

    Where, I ask, is the same consideration given frogs as the government has given bald eagles? You think being a frog is easy? You think because the lowly frog cannot soar in the heavens he is less worthy of our notice? Or do you despise the poor frog because he hops, has webbed feet, has funny eating habits, a long tongue and is often abused by small boys tucking him in their pockets and using him to surprise mothers and scare little girls and teachers? Or, even most despicable of all, do you despise him because of his color, because he is green? For shame!

    Why does the witch turn the handsome prince into a frog? Why not a toadstool? Rank discrimination because only the kiss of a princess will return the prince to his former station! And where the princess who will kiss a frog? Discrimination! And the witch understands this! She knows she has doomed the prince because of this prejudicial attitude of so many princesses toward frogs, an attitude fomented and abetted by secret government agencies and NASA! An even more serious indictment: When has a witch ever turned a frog into a prince? Ah, ha! Never!

    When will people become aware and sensitive to their ingratitude for all that frogs have contributed toward civilization and become ashamed of their treatment of frogs? Fearlessly I stand up for these unfortunate creatures and invite all of you to take part in the rally I envision on the steps of the White House itself in defense of these noble amphibians and will, like Ghandi, if necessary, fast until the magnificent, and often sacrificial, contributions of frogs to science, literature, music and art are recognized and frogs are given justice! Let Riddup and Ribbett ring out across America!

    By the way, for those who expressed an interest in the bronzed bullfrogs there is still a small quantity available on a first come, first served basis. But you must hurry; supplies are very limited; a real buy at only $29.95 each or two for $65.00 plus tax, shipping and handling. Show you care; buy a frog. Other items such as paperweights, lapel pins, tie bars, earrings and bookends are available also. Write or call for a complete list of I Care About Frogs items. Or, if you wish, you may purchase these items with the motto "Be A Real Friend" with a tasteful picture of a frog appended.

    And for those who really care, who want to make a difference and can afford it, don't forget to request information on the Adopt A Pond program. If you could see the living conditions in some of the ponds I have witnessed, it couldn't fail to bring tears to your eyes.

    For those of limited means, there are also programs ranging from Adopt A Lilly Pad to an individual polliwog, tadpole (one of my personal favorites), individual adult frogs or even a frog family.

    Another program under way is the Equal Rights For Frogs movement. Be sure to inquire about this worthy effort directed toward stamping out discrimination against frogs. Truly inspiring! I envision the Green Party that will absorb the present ineffectual one, arising from this.

    One last thing, I have written a pamphlet, which I'm sure you will want to have if you are interested in the movement. It is titled: “Understanding Frogs and Our Enigmatic Toads.” Just ask for this by the initials: UFOET. For that small number of readers who believe I've finally taken leave of my senses, this soul-stirring plea for justice for frogs ought to restore my credibility.